happiness=volleyball

2012-01-14T14:11:00.002+08:00

Here I am again.
Guess blogger is the only one listening now.

I'm sure no one I know reads this dead blog.
If you do know me and happen to pass by, I guess it's fate then.
Or whatever you call that.

I've never felt this way before.
Just reminiscing the past all the time and feeling so damn nostalgic.
I just can't seem to shake off all that attachment.
It seems as though nothing can make me feel any better.
I really thought feelings will fade over time, but instead,

It just intensifies.

My heart just can't contain anything anymore,
and it really seems impossible to empty all those memories.

Mayb, just mayb,
the only way to get out of this,
is to sink even deeper into another one.

2011-09-19T21:42:00.001+08:00

I still can't.

Doubt I ever will.

2011-04-17T13:19:00.003+08:00

I guess no one reads this blog now so i'm gonna just post whatever i want.

i don't know why i'm feeling this way right now.
i don't know why i'm even so f-ing affected right now.
i don't know why i'm caught in this stupid mess again.
i don't know why i'm just so vulnerable in front of you.

i'd never thought things would come to such a state.
i'd never thought things could change so fast.
i'd never thought things would become so complicated.
i'd never thought things would affect me this much.

if i had known,
how i wish i'd never met you.

now all these are nothing but false hopes,
again.

mayb i don't even know what i'm hoping for in the first place.

but i'm hurting really badly now,
and you don't even give a shit.

2011-04-08T00:49:00.001+08:00

this's the first time I'm feeling this just before season.

mayb i should just delete this post.

2011-04-02T00:02:00.003+08:00

Chris Medina - What Are Words

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see

Every single promise I keep
Cause what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them when you say them

What are words
If they're only for good times then they don't

When it's love yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, they never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent
Just for me and I know I'm meant
To be where I am and I'm gonna be

Standing right beside her tonight
And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them when you say them

What are words
If they're only for good times then they don't

When it's love yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more

Every single promise I keep
Cause what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel
Close

2011-03-26T00:22:00.002+08:00

O
M
G
.

this blog's so freaking dead that even I forgot its existence.

i guess it has 'upgraded' itself to a private blog ard lah.
since no one will read it anw.

oh well.

don't know why the sudden urge to blog after so long.
might had probably felt like blogging but just simply don't have the time to.

k let's talk abt today.

first thing i was late for school today. A.G.A.I.N.
have been late for almost the whole week ard.

second thing is that i got a new injury today during trng. A.G.A.I.N.
fara is right man. getting injured is like my hobby ard.
i simply just can't stop collecting new ones-.-

third thing's i might not play ______ ard.
sigh i really don't know if i should feel good abt that.
at least i don't now. or nothing can now.
i just feel like a back-up plan in this whole shit.
and that totally sucks.

National Champion seems to be further than it ever is right now.
sigh.

i don't know how screwed my As will be if this nats is screwed.
don't even wanna imagine.

the stakes are just so uncontrollably high.
it's either HELL or HEAVEN.

all i can do now is just simply pray.
pray for God's miracle if it's what it takes.

just make me hate you once and for all.
mayb I'll feel so much better.

2010-10-09T22:10:00.000+08:00

I WANT TRNG TO START RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!

2010-10-09T00:51:00.002+08:00

PROMOS ARE OVER!

all i wanna do now is just..
TRAINNNNNNNNNNN!

went out to catch my second movie this week with laopo today.
oh i mean ytd.
anw.
went to watch Legend of The Fist.
it's quite nice.
the fighting scenes are quite cool and it's moderately funny also.

the other movie that i watch earlier this week was The Other Guys.
it wasn't as nice, but it's still ok.
some parts were really very funny, but some parts were abit draggy.

walked home from Lot 1 with laopo after that.
it's just so nice to walk home and spend more time tgt:)
just feeling so blessed and happy for every moment we share.
i guess nothing can ever ever replace that feeling:)

hmm seems like we've been spending quite alot of time tgt these few weeks.
and that's obviously a good thing:)

just wanna wish her all the best for her Os.
i know she's feeling stressed and she's working quite hard.

just wanna say,

don't be discouraged by what you see now, 'cause you never know what you will see in time to come if you perserve on. i'll always be behind you and i won't ever leave you. so don't worry too much k. i'm sure you can pull it through. believe in yourself as much as i do k! love you always:)

how long will it last before everything crumbles again,

2010-10-05T00:48:00.000+08:00

3 DAYS TO FREEDOM!

finally.
the first day of promos is over.

GP Paper 2 was quite tough.
did'nt have time to finish.
hopefully my essay will help abit..

to those who have studied, Econs should be pretty easy.
i chiong finish the paper then got 10 mins left-.-
felt so retarded cos my hand was aching like mad..

tmr's Maths.
should'nt be that much of a problem.
but still can't help feeling a little scared..

i guess exams're just like that.
they only make you scared.
nothing else.

think i wont have enough time to study Chem ard.
or rather i have no mood to study.
haihz. see how it goes tmr then..

laopo woke up super late today!
when i am rarely early.
when i reach school she just woke up lah.

i was so early that i alighted at Dover to take bus to school.
then coincidentally took the same bus as Eleanor.
my ex and future teammate. heh.
caught up a little as we walked to school.

i seemed to miss the times when we were playing tgt.
esp when i was in sec 4.
but i am quite certain that it won't be the same anymore.
different positions, different perspectives this time.

i really hope it will turn out to be a good change.
from the bottomest of my heart.

oh well.

life should be quite easy for me after promos i guess.
mayb just have to bother abt stupid PW.
whoever created that subject is a retard.
like seriously-.-

somehow it feels like Os to me now.
like the feeling just came back suddenly.
the very calm and composed feeling,
even when i should be damn stressed cos i totally didnt studied enough.

and also the anticipating trng feeling.
it has been sucha long time since i last trained 'officially'.
hopefully the first trng after so long won't be fatal to me..
i am sure it won't.
cos i will HANG IN THERE.
that's the sticker on my ACJC pencil case.
think it's quite cool. heh.

i hope everyone'll get to really relax and ENJOY life after promos.
i'm pretty sure most pp will go on PARTY mode right after the last paper.
but for those who still plan to mug after promos.......
i have no comments.

anyways.
i've ard booked my laopo on friday right after Physics-.- to go KBox!
it has been suca long time since we last went there.
totally cant wait!
bet it'll be a hell lot of fun! :)

hmm. mayb i should countdown to that in hours?
nah. better not.
save the Maths for tmr.
hmm i mean later. heh.

the side who cares more always hurts more,
right?

2010-10-03T01:40:00.001+08:00

5 DAYS TO FREEDOM!

and that means promos is just a day away.
but lets hack that for now.

let me make a list of things i wanna do after promos.

1. TRAIN!!!
2. burn all the notes! (nah, just kidding)
3. break my record for Who Has The Biggest Brain! (it currently stands at 3025!)
4. run in the gym everyday after school
5. help laopo in her Os
6. go spend my Borders voucher
7. blog everyday! (hopefully)

that's abt it for now.

i really don't know if i should choose to retain to change combi.
kinda retarded right.
but i am really scared that i'll regret if i didnt.

seems like if my result cant make it to promote then it will be such a easy decision right.

there're just so many reasons why i wanna choose to retain.

1. i can bye bye to Physics forever and ever.
2. i can play for one more year and hopefully _______.
3. i can brush up on my Chem and Econs.
4. i have one more year to prepare for As.
5. i can have one more year to think abt what i really wanna do.
6. perhaps i can even enjoy orientation once more.

but i really dont't wanna be labelled as a retainee..

i am gonna let God decide.
in His way.

就像来不及许愿的流星,
再怎么美丽也只能是曾经.

2010-09-23T20:49:00.003+08:00

15 DAYS TO FREEDOM!

i guess no one cares abt this blog anymore.
it shall be 'upgraded' to a 'private' blog.
that's 2 inverted commas in one sentence.
oh well.

it's less then half a month to freedom.
and less than 11 days to promos.
and i dont seem to feel as stressed as i should be.
oh well.

some pp say we have to stop living in the past and look forward in life,
some say we have to keep looking back in life to move forward.
but i say we have to look back, look at the present and look to the future.
if it makes sense to you.
oh well.

i think i will go back to blogging everyday after promos.
maby not everyday but at least more frequent.
i wonder how trng will be like after promos.
or i will be even allowed to train.
but really hope that i can find back the most original and simple form of happiness that i used to experience when i first started.
mayb not exactly the same kinda feeling, cos that's irreplacable.
don't think i will ever experience the exact same kinda feeling again.
it's been so long, mayb i could'nt even rmb how it feels like.
oh well.

i find that i am back to the original point where i started,
after one big round.
but with different expectations and attitude this time.
i don't know if i had came out stronger,
but i think that's no longer impt;

for sometimes you have to hurt yourself to not get hurt by others.

2010-09-08T16:10:00.002+08:00

now it's time to count down to then end of promos since Os are long over.

31 DAYS TO FREEDOM!

slighty more than a month.
but cfm less than to the start of promos.
and there's tons of work for me to do,
and there's tons of work i needa catch up,
and here i am, still on the freaking com..

wonder if they will abolish the 'advanced' thing.
hopefully they wont.

i want to change my freaking subject combi so badly.
i dont mind retaining to change it.
but just dont wanna be labelled as a retainee.
that kinda suck.
alot.

i wanna tell whoever thats planning to take H2 Physics.
THINK AGAIN.
no wait.
DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.

dont think anyone will see this anw.
since this blog is almost as good as dead.

i even want to turn back the clock for a year.
no wait.
not exactly a year.
like 10 months.
to when Os just ended.
i had SO MANY regrets within this short time.
wanna just restart.
but it's HOW impossible.
i know right.

you have no idea how much all these bother me;
no matter how many times i tell and force myself not to think abt all that,
it still bugs me,
and it has evolved into my shadow,
following me whenever i go,
reminding me of all the things that i dont wish to rmb,
and hurting me once more,
with the same intensity.

你头发上淡淡青草香气,
变成了风才能和我相遇;
你的目光蒸发成云,
再下成雨我才能够靠近;

我怀里所有温暖的空气,
变成风也不敢和你相遇;
我的心事蒸发成云,
再下成雨却舍不得淋湿你;

很高兴有心事帮我困住自己.

躲在安静角落不用你回头看,
不用珍惜.

2010-06-09T02:12:00.004+08:00

OH. MY. GOSH.

my last (official) post was like almost half a year ago.
finally have the time and urge to blog again.

so many things happened in this short period of time.
although it seems that my last post is quite long ago.

oh well.

i was just browsing thru my previous posts.
and almost all of it is abt trng and comptt.
all abt volleyball as usual.

esp the last post.
it sort of marked our first step towards our season this year.
now that all of that have past, it just feels like.. a dream.

and yeah.
we got into National Finals.

honestly, didnt actually believed that we would make it that far when coach first said that we have got a quite a chance.

but along the way, everything just came in and we really got it.
although we faced quite alot of setbacks, discouragement and all.
i am really glad all that didnt dampened our spirits, but instead, it inspired and pushed us further and we came out stronger :)

i will never ever forget how we went thru all these tgt.
never ever.

its just such a nice and warming feeling whenever i recall how we cheered so loudly, so enthusiastically, so exuberantly tgt whenever we score a point.
and nothing can ever ever replace the place it holds in my heart :)

i know some of us are probably still quite disappionted with the final outcome and feel really really sore over it.
cos we all knew that we CAN and should have won.

but.
we had made history.
we had made a name for ourselves.
we had made a name for volleyball in AC.

nobody is gg to belittle us anymore.

i am really proud to be in this team.
really really proud :)

although the journey wasnt as smooth-sailing as i thought it would be, i am glad that i didnt give up till the every last second :)

and finally.
Thank God for seeing us through all this while :)
cos all these would not have been possible without Him.

not.
over.

2010-04-06T18:16:00.002+08:00

Adam Lambert - What Do You Want From Me
For Your Entertainment

Hey, slow it down
What do you want from me
What do you want from me

Yeah I'm afraid
What do you want from me
What do you want from me

There might have been a time
And I would give myself away
Oooh once upon a time, I didn't give a damn
But now, here we are

So what do you want from me
What do you want from me

Just don't give up, I'm working it out
Please don't give in, I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around

Hey, what do you want from me
What do you want from me
What do you want from me

Yeah, it's plain to see
That baby you're beautiful
And it's nothing wrong with you
It's me, I'm a freak
But thanks for loving me
Cause you're doing it perfectly

There might have been a time when I would let you step away
I wouldn't even try
But I think you could save my life

Just don't give up, I'm working it out
Please don't give in, I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around

Hey, what do you want from me (what do you want from me)
What do you want from me
What do you want from me (what do you want from me)

Just don't give up on me
I won't let you down
No, I won't let you down

(So I) Just don't give up , I'm working it out
Please don't give in, I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around

Hey, what do you want from me

Just don't give up, I'm working it out
Please don't give in, I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around

Hey, what do you want from me (what do you want from me)
What do you want from me (what do you want from me)
What do you want from me (what do you want from me)

2010-02-16T14:46:00.005+08:00

Paramore - The Only Exception
Brand New Eyes

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it
And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darlin'
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Or keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm content
With loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk

You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving in the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, and I'm on my way to believing

2010-01-21T12:42:00.002+08:00

THE DRAWS FOR A'DIV ARE OUT!

Group A
NanYang JC
HwaChong Institution
Catholic JC
Anderson JC

Group B
Vitoria JC
Pioneer JC
Innova JC
DHS(dont know what is it)
Yishun JC

Group C
Anglo-Chinese JC
Tampines JC
Seragoon JC
St Andrews JC

Group D
Jurong JC
Meridian JC
Tamasek JC
Raffles JC

YEAH!
the draws are totally on our side man!
HC, AJ and NY are all in one group!
hahaha. we are so damn lucky can!

things are really looking very good:)
i really really really hope feom the deepest and bottomest of my heart that we will make it to National Finals.
i hv never ever been in Top 4 even in my entire life lah.
and i really hope that i can get to experience that this time.
the feeling must be so so GREAT:D

and.
there is some new rules to the game as well.
which is totally ridiculous-.-

1. for now, touching the net is no longer a foul lah.
unless you touch the white top part of the net.
wth right.

2. and now our body and feet can totally cross the centre line lah.
its not considered a foul unless it interferes the opponent's play.

3. if the ball is touched by the spiker and blocker simultaneously on top of the net, the fault is committed by the spiker, no longer by the blocker.

4. if the ball is on the opponent's side and we block, there is no foul.
unless there is a spiker gg to attack.

like what Dionne has said, these new rules makes volleyball less professional lah.
seriously lor-.-

but nvm.
dont think its gg to affect much on court also.
not for my position now.

all of that was announced during trng ytd.
ytd was interval running again.
i only ran the first round and the forth or fifth round.
while the others ran the full 6 rounds.
it wasnt as tiring as i thought it would be actually.

then after that we diu qiu.
and did the receive and spike thing again.
then after that we did spike and save.
then after that i was supposed to stand on a table to spike while the others went to block.
and this time, thankfully, the table was quite stable and i had the net to hold on to.
so its was still ok.
then finally formation.

everyone served well when we played formation.
and it was fun:)

then after we did some service then trng ended.
no physical anymore! :D:D:D
then Miss Tang went to talk abt our budget for this yr.
and also abit abt our overseas trip this March.
oh man.
totally cant wait!
hope it will be in Thailand man.
i wanna go Dream World again!
i still kept the ticket from last time lah. haha.
so want to play in the rest of the places i hvent gone to the last time!
and also stay in Princeton Hotel where there is sushi and all sorts of nice stuff for all the meals! :D:D:D
and finally.. SHOP! haha.

ok. enough abt that.
it just makes me look forward to it even more lah.
hmm.
there is trng tmr and friendly with Bukit Panjang Govt High on sat.
really wanna win them.
and revenge my juniors. haha.
hopefully it would be cancelled or anything.
and we will get the late afternoon slot.
then more pp can make it.

at least.

2010-01-16T18:15:00.002+08:00

finally went to get the super power ankle guard ytd.
met Dionne at CCK then went Queensway to get it before gg trng.

then we thought trng starts at 5.30 when its actually 5.
we thought we still damn early lor.
then end up being late for 5 mins-.-

then warm-up was 2.4km.
i joined the others and ran as well.
not as tiring anymore just leg pain only.

then after that played formation.
and i served all the way again.
but this time wh ask me to stand on 2 SUPER UNSTABLE chairs to serve.
then fall off like 3 times lah.
so scary:S

then had friendly at UWCSEA with 3 other schools.
German European School Singapore, International School Singapore and of course United World College Southeast Asia.
had 4 friendlies and won all of them:)
originally thought that international schools will be quite strong.
but then they totally prove me wrong lor.
only the UWCSEA abit ok only.
the rest abit cmi lah.

then went broadway with Dionne, Joanna and Abigail to have lunch.
then went back to Fairfield to give Jean her shoebag which she had left in AC after trng ytd.
then Dionne need to rush home cos her family is taking her out or something.
so we hurried home after that.
and finally got to send her home.
then went home after that.

i really dont know whats fucking wrong with you.
i am so NOT your punching bag so dont vent your bloody anger on me.
if i had a choice and the means i will SO SO move out can.
dont need to see your fucking face everytime.
and put up with your fucking temper.
you are totally an insult to mankind lah.
no other person can compare to your fucking ways man.
seriously, do yknow EVER wonder that its your fucking problem?
the problem lies on YOU, NOT the others.
when can you fucking get it lah.
NT EVEN A SINGLE SOUL wants you in their life.
my gosh.
its totally JUSY MY LUCK.

now i feel so disgusted for being so vulgar over you.
which is TOTALLY NOT WORTH IT.
but i really cant find any other word to describe you.
ONLY vulgar stuff suits you.
since you CANT live without saying them EVERYDAY.

specialty;
uncertainty.

2010-01-14T15:55:00.002+08:00

went for the AC open house ytd with Dionne.
then went trng after that.
saw alot ot Fairsians.
and i think alot of them wanna go AC.
there was also alot of other pp.

the warm-up for trng ytd was interval running.
i didnt run at all cos of my stupid ankle.
the others did and they were super tired.
the timing fot the first 2 rounds for each round is 2 mins.
with breaks of 1 min 45 secs in btw.
then the third and forth round is 2 mins 15 secs.
with breaks 2 min in btw.
then the fifth and sixth round is 2 min 30secs.
with breaks of 2 min 15 secs in btw.
and in case you dont know, each round is 400m.

then after that we played formation almost all the way.
played like shit lah.
then just before trng ends we did some crunches and push-ups.
then the others did the cross-leg thing at the 3m line.
then cool down.

went home with Dionne and Ming Liang after trng.
he was from Bukit Panjang as well and he wanted to go AC.
so as usual we trained to CCK.
Ming Liang alighted at Bukit Gombak.
then Dionne and I parted at the 975 bus stop once again.
since she refused to let me send her home.

then reached home at around 10.30.
then ate.
then rotted beside my bed.
then fell asleep unknowingly until 12.30.
then woke up to bathe.
then was too tired to use com.
so went to bed at around 1.30.

then was woken up by 2 msges at 8.08am lah.
i rmbed the time clearly cos i was so fed up.
omg.
then couldnt fall asleep again.
then when i can finallt sleep again,
another msg comes in-.-
so i gave up sleeping and got up.
and was super tired.

theres still trng tmr and friendly on sat.
wonder how am i gg to survive.
gg to get the super power ankle guard tmr.
really hope it really works.
and i can run and jump.

if.

2010-01-12T18:57:00.003+08:00

was quite busy the past few weeks.

my grandpa passed away on 3 Jan.
so had to attend his wake everyday.
and have to stay overnight there also.
thanks to those who came:)
really appreciate it alot.

just resume trng ytd.
ytd trng was quite slack for me.
ran only 2 rounds while others ran the normal 6.
then after that just served all the way and picked balls in btw.

oh yah.
went to get results before trng.
a miracle happened and i pass Bio! haha
i TOTALLY DIDNT STUDY lah.
i thought i will be the only one failing lor.
really thank god man :)

hmm.
i think i am quite satisfied with my results.
considering the fact that i didnt really study.

then went to eat Sakae with my beloved laopo at City Vibe.
caught up alot :)
and it was just so nice gg out with her :)
she never fail to make my day each and every time.
and she never will :)
really wanna thank god for plcaing her in my life.
and this must be the most precious gift that god has given me :)

and.
i am officially in ACJC ard.
school is gonna start real real real soon.
but i am totally not prepared for it lah.
after slacking for so so so long ard.
hopefully i will be able to cope well.
and most imptly,
stay happy.

i really really really hope, from the bottomest of my heart,
that another miracle happens and my ankle will recover fully.
i wanna run and jump so so so badly lah.

U-turn.

2010-01-01T00:24:00.003+08:00

ITS 2010!

so this is officially the first post of the year.
yup.

just reached home after celebrating my grandpa's birthday.
had buffet just now.
but still eating chicken wings now.
oh man.
i am gonna become really fat lah.
3 weeks without trng.

i am quite tired now ard.
but dont feel like sleeping yet.
mayb when the efects of the flu medicine kicks in then i will feel sleepy.
oh btw i lost my voice lah.
it has been for 3 days ard.
and it doesnt seem to get any better.
instead it seems to get worse.
oh well.
i will just hv to wait patiently for it to heal on its own.

time really flies man.
one year flew by just like that.
and ytd feels like the beginning of 2009.
then things that took place in the year just happened within a day.
and whoo!
its 2010 ard.

well, i do have some wishes for this new year.
let me list them out.

first of all, i hope that my L1R5 will be a single digit.
secondly, i hope i can adapt well to JC life.
thirdly, i wish i can make really good new friends.
and last but not least, i hope that i wont regret my choice to go AC.

but most imptly,
hopefully we can be national champions this year!
or at least top4.

have never been in top4 before.
wonder how it feels like.
but no matter what it feels like,
it must be really really GREAT.
hopefully i can get to experience it real soon.

happy with one,
happiest at 2;
lousiest with more.

living in your own world,
can sometimes be a kind of happiness too.

hu ran zhi jian.

2009-12-25T18:07:00.003+08:00

ITS CHRISTMAS!

but i somehow dont feel the festive mood.
mayb cos i dont really celebrate Christmas.
so its just another normal day for me.

spent the past few days watching a Korean drama that Dionne is totally crazy abt.
its called You're beautiful.
finished watching it in the early hours of Christmas today.
not bad lah. its quite funny and nice to watch.

hvent been gg trng after the AC camp.
oh yah.
btw i had my first volleyball camp in AC from 15 to 17 Dec.
hmm. just realise it has been quite long after the camp ard.

its definitely different from Fairfield camps.
at least i dont get bitten by stupid mosquitoes at night.
i really have no idea why the mosquitoes just LOVE my blood so much.
i even got bitten in Genting.
yes. even in Genting.

ok back to the main topic.
we trained at SPANS mostly.
its my first time there as well.
but it was so near to my grandparents' house lah.
so i might have passed by it like so many times but didnt know its there.

the court there is not bad lah.
just that the water cooler there is really really really pathetic.
it will just take forever to fill a bottle up.
so most of the time we just drink the tapwater in the toilet.

trained formation most of the time at SPANS.
and the best is that there is no 2.4km warm-up :) :) :)

then for all the night trngs we trained in ShuQun.
had friendly matches with the B girls there and SIM.

also had friendly with Jurong on the last day of the camp.
won 3-2 if i am not wrong.
then after that we went to ShuQun.
and we were dismissed there.

so went home with Dionne.
the way back home was totally crazy and retarded.
cos wh say there is some 188 bus stop near by.
then we walked like dont know how far with all our luggage also cant find.
so we ended up cabbing back from somwhere near IMM-.-

then finally reached home.
slacked on the sofa until 8 plus.
then went to bathe.
then forgot what i did.

my grandpa is finally discharged from the hospital.
i think he stayed there for like almost a month lah.
he is still getting thinner by the day.
really sad to see him like that.
hopefully in his remaining days, he can be happy.

i really wanna start trng real soon.
and i really hate limping from place to place lah.
hopefully my ankle can recover faster..

stranded.

2009-12-18T22:59:00.004+08:00

drained out.

2009-12-10T01:32:00.004+08:00

hi people.
just had my third AC trng ytd.
as usual, warm-up was 2.4km.
2.8km to be exact.
it was tiring, but not as tiring as the first trng.

then after everyone finish running,
we saw a dead bird on the floor.
just dead.
the bird damn poor thing can.
heard from Serene(if i never rmb her name wrongly and its spelled correctly) that the bird fell from the shelter above.
omg.
it must have hurt:S

then did coordination and pao xian as usual.
then after trng was quite relaxed.

coach knew that my ankle is hurting and abit swollen after the run.
so he just made me serve for the others to receive.
and then spike for the others to receive also.
Dionne and i took turns to serve and spike.
if not i dont think i can een raise my hand up now.

then after doing 40 counts of 4 of jumping jack cos coach picked up 2 balls,
we played abit of formation.
and it was ard quite dark ard.

coach made me play setter since i cant move around much.
not bad, it was quite fun.

then suddenly the only light source lighting up the court went off.
and then it was pitch dark lah.
quite scary actually.
and it reminded me of the blackout in thailand.
we were playing match with some thai team then suddenly the lights just went off lah.
and it was so dark that we could not even see our own hands lah.

ok. drifting away again.
then after the debrief, coach suddenly rmbed that we still owed him 40 berpics(i seriously dont think i spelled that correctly).
so we did it before we are dismissed.
and it was tiring man.

then..

(adapted from Dionne's blog)

AFTER TRG.

Hui Min and i went home tgt, cause we stay same area la.
then smart-s me decided to walk from ac to buona vista mrt.
and i suddenly at the freaking wrong time got very high.
(HM, u were high too okay! dnt just blame me laaa.)

so i started crapping, laughing and pointing at buildings.
then there came a point where a bangla crossing the road looked at us and FLASHED us a SMILE.
cause i was pointing at the building behind him & we were laughing hysterically.

so we instantly got scared. & walked as fast as we could.
its like, the whole stretch of road nobody laa-.-
and HM's ankles were BOTH hurting.
so we walked as fast as possible.
until we reached the taxi stand.
then HM say let the guy go first.
then he kept smiling and actually turned around to stare at us even as he walked away laa.
i was freaking.
and HM just glared at him. haha!
then after he walked some distance, we decided to walk after him.
thats when he TURNED around and searched for us.
then HM and i jitao screamed and hailed a cab.
cabbed to commonwealth. hahhahah.
wah lao. scary laaa. but damn funny.
then when passing by buona vista agn, HM saw the bangla at the platform!
wah FREAKY la. crazy mannn. okay.
HUI MIN. I PROMISE WE'LL TAKE THE BUS NEXT TIME.

ok. thats an account of a totally retareded incident.
hope it wont happen again man.

just had match with Unity ealier.
sadly, we lost 1-2.
25-18, 20-25, 13-15.

oh man.
we really could have won them lah.
comparing them to ShuQun and Yuying, which we won, is like nothing lah.
mayb luck was just not on our side today.

oh yah.
we won Yuying in our secind U19 match!
won 2-1 as well.
25-18, 19-25, 15-13.
the last set was damn bloody CLOSE ah.
but we still won!
yeah! finally had my revenge.

next match is tmr.
actually its later lah, since its past 12 now.
against Hua Yi.
think it will be an easy game.

lets win it 2 sets this time man!
have been playing 3 sets for all the matches so far lah.

so far,
yet so near;

2009-12-05T02:39:00.001+08:00

long time no blog.

was using com almost everyday but was just too lazy to post.
had my second AC trng ytd.
the day before ytd to be exact. since its past 12 ard.
missed at least 2 trngs cos of U19 comptt.
wh just forbid me to go for trng lah.
even if the trng is in the morning and match is at night.

oh. almost forgot abt it.
we won our first U19 match!
against VolleysportsRed, which is actually ShuQun alumni.
and YanQi is inside as well.
we played 3 sets lah.
lost first set, 19-25.
then second set was DAMN close, 25-23.
then finally 15-8 if i am not wrong.

when we won i was like OMG we actually won ShuQun eh!
totally cant believe it.
we just had 1 trng tgt before it lah.
and the feeling was so.. wei miao
cant find an English word to describe it.

ok. back to my second AC trng.
reach there like super early again.
thanks to SOMEONE lah huh. haha.
like half an hour early lah.
just like the first trng.

then ran 1.2km as warm-up.
tiring, but its nth compared to the trng lah.
and we managed to finish it in 7 mins:)

then after that we were supposed to chiong.
chiong 100m for 10 times.
but we only did it for 2 or 3 times.
cos the track coach warned us abt the lightning alert thingy.

then all of us went to gym.
the gym there is HUGE i tell you.
its like 10 times bigger than Fairfield's lah.
its even bigger than the one at Clementi lah.

then we did all the weights and stuff.
come to think of it, i actually hvent done any weights for like one whole year ard lah.

then we did skipping after that.
did both singles and doubles.
1000 singles and 10 sets of 10 continuous doubles.

then when everyone was done, we did buddha claps.
we did at least 250 lah.
cos for the last one we must like silent count in our heart then everybody must stop at the same time.
with Vincent's disturbance somemore.
so he will like randomly call out some number to confuse us and make us lose count.
but.
we still succeeded in the end:)
the guys did that tgt with us too.

then trng ended.
and i actually wanted to bathe one.
then SOMEBODY was too lazy to go bathe.
haha ok lah. i should stop SOMEBODY-ing in case SOMEBODY gets angry and spam msges until my phone dies.
haha. i just did that again.
ok lah jie. i shall type out your name now lah.

Dionne See *** **.
be really glad that i never openly reveal your chinese name ok.
haha.

ok. i am drifting away again.
so went to eat dinner with Dionne, Jack, Mei Ting and Tiffany.
then my food was the last to come:(
then everyone purposely eat until very noisy.

after we are all done with eating, we sit there and talk for damn long lah.
like for almost 2 hours.
haha. and it was really FUN!
had a hard time laughing lah.

then we all took 74 to go home after that.
all of us alighted at Dover except for Tiffany.
then parted with Jack and Mei Ting at Jurong East.
then went home tgt with Dionne once again.
then parted at the 975 bus stop as well.

since i have U19 comptt later, i will miss the trng later once again.
and that means i will miss a chance to train and get back my fitness.
sian.
and i think i am still gonna miss another 2 or 3.
but nvm, all of it will soon be over.

every now and then.

2009-11-18T13:32:00.004+08:00

OMG.
almost died ytd.
now whole body aching aching like $@!#%$^%$^#&%

yup.
went for my first official trng in AC ytd with Dionne.
the warm-up was like 2.8km.
then after that did some co-ordinations across the net.
then pao xian.
then was totally drained out.

then supposed to zi gang 100.
but hands ard ache when i reach 50.
then soon it rained.
so we went indoors to train.
then all sorts of PT and tiring.
but it was much better compared to the warm-up of course.

then after that trng was quite ok.
and it became more fun after that.

then after that during debrief was given the camp schedule.
i guess i am quite excited abt it.
like what Dionne have said, we are gonna share more memories tgt:)

then after the debrief, Ms Tang(AC vball teacher) wanted to see us.
she introduce herself abit then list out all the expectations of us.
like we are not supposed to lean on the pillar, wall or anything no matter how tired we are.
and we are also not allowed to sit down even during water breaks.
wow.
thats abit NEW to me.
well, i guess i will just have to get use to it.

then asked her a few qns abt JC life.
when the session ended, it was ard like 9.30pm
super late right.

then went home with Dionne:)
and caught up abit.

soon we reached CCK.
then we parted at the 975 bus stop.

can totally imagine when school reopens, we will spend alot of time with each other lah.
will go to school tgt, go home tgt.

oh yah.
and before the trng i went for the follow-up appointment for my leg.
the doc says the best treatment for my leg is rest and REST.
and nothing much can be done to make it better.
and i also need to go for regular physiotherapy sessions.
mayb that will make it better.

but i think i will just go trng lah.
since the pain is not like very unbearable.
and i want to get back my stamina badly.
its really horrible now lah.

gone with the wind.

2009-11-16T01:33:00.002+08:00

O LEVELS OVER!

finally.
the burden that we are carrying for 4 years is lifted.
and it marks the end of my secondary sch life.
and also the beginning of JC life.

cousins came to stayover at my house these few days.
and we went to watch 2012 ytd.
the movie not bad, worth watching.
the scenes in the movie is like so real lah.
i can totally imagine the whole cinema screaming if it had been a 3D movie.

will be gg KL from 20 to 24 i think.
i have never gone back to Malaysia during the year end hols for like 2 years ard lah.
so now finally can make time to go there.
hope it will be fun.
and most importantly, hope that it will be a fruitful shopping trip:)
hvent shopped for like ages ard lah.

i hope that this holiday will be a happy and fun one.
and wont be over too quickly.

2 different worlds;
nothing in common,
everything in difference.

"Don't try so hard, for the best things come when you least expect it."

2009-11-10T22:51:00.006+08:00

just realise this is my 150th post.
nvm, thats not the point.

this song is really damn nice.
the lyrics as well (if you can decipher the meaning of it).

说谎 - 林宥嘉
感官世界

是有过几个不错对象
说起来并不寂寞孤单
可能我浪荡让人家不安
才会结果都阵亡

我没有什么阴影魔障
你千万不要放在心上
我又不脆弱何况那算什么伤
反正爱情不就都这样

我没有说谎我何必说谎
你懂我的我对你从来就不会假装
我哪有说谎请别以为你有多难忘
笑是真的不是我逞强

我好久没来这间餐厅
没想到已经换了装潢
角落那窗口闻得到玫瑰花香
被你一说是有些印象

我没有说谎我何必说谎
你知道的我缺点之一就是很健忘
我哪有说谎是很感谢今晚的相伴
但我竟然有些不习惯

我没有说谎我何必说谎
爱一个人没爱到难道就会怎么样
别说我说谎人生已经如此地艰难
有些事情就不要拆穿

我没有说谎是爱情说谎
它带你来骗我说渴望的有可能有希望
我没有说谎祝你做个幸福的新娘
我的心事请你就遗忘

2009-11-10T22:04:00.002+08:00

3 DAYS TO FREEDOM!

WOW.
time really passes real fast man.
there is only like 3 days left to end of Os.

but somehow i dont seem to look forward to it so much anymore.

next up is Bio MCQ.
which i am so gg to screw it up, just like the paper 2.
i really HATE Bio.
its really the worst subject i have ever taken in my life man.
its totally like a memory test lah.
i really dont know whats the point of a subject if it ONLY requires memorising.
msw have a subject called memorise-.-
TOTALLY retarded eh.

i really wanna get my fitness back as fast as possible.
if not when trng resumes it will be like $#@^#&%$#&%$#&.

wonder how it feels like to be preoccupied with vball again.
will it still be the same?

i wonder how long i will be stuck again.

fluctuating.

2009-10-21T00:54:00.002+08:00

23 DAYS TO FREEDOM!

yeap.
i had been using com and watching tv the whole day today.
felt so like guilty doing all the stuff.
but cant help it.
well nvm, there's still tmr right. hah

thought alot these few days.
abt every detail i can rmb in the going 16 years of my life.
thought abt pp who hurt me really deep, thought abt pp who really add colours into my life, thought abt pp who really helped me to get thru tough times;
and most imptly,
pp who really made me feel happy from the bottom of my heart :)

we should really treasure all those pp who bring happiness into our lives,
cos we will never know if we have a chance to ever give the same kind of happiness back to them.

recently my bro keep tempting me to buy a PSP tgt with him.
he even wanna sponsor me 50 bucks!
but i know his motive.
cos if we are in this tgt, i cant sell him out to our parents.
cos we are buying secretly without our parents knowing.
and i bet they will kill us if they knew.

looks like a good deal huh, with 50 bucks sponsored.
but Os are not over yet.
i bet i will be stuck with it the whole day if i got it.
and flunk my Os.
and get over 20 points.
and waste my DSA.
and be the first ever tri sci student to be retained.

oh man.
the mere thought of it ard is scary.

mayb i will get it after Os.
mayb not.
cos i wanna save the money for a better cause.

AC VOLLEYBALL TRIP TO MALAYSIA IN MARCH'10!

yeah.
and i wanna shop there like crazy.
totally reminds me of how i enjoyed myself in Thailand in the past vball trips :)
and hopefully,
GET A SUPER NICE HOTEL!
thats the most impt thing man!
a lousy hotel will just totally spoil everything.

and also,
i want to get alot of other things!
mayb i list them all out.

New bag
New shoes
New pencil case
New socks
New handphone --> this is so unrealistic and so not happening.

hmm.
looks like i can only get half of all of that...
unless.
my mum just hands me my POSB card(where all my savings, scholarships money are) and say: "get whatever you want!"
wow.
that will totally be,
A MIRACLE.

wow.
i just realised it quite a long post ard.
hvent blogged for so long for ages.

and i totally cant wait to go back to blogging everyday after Os!
that will be great!
totally CAREFREE! :):):)

and of course,
VOLLEYBALL TRNGS! :D:D:D
haha. not forgetting that still.

ok.
thats abt it.

111 msges.
when memories flash back,
even for that shortest moment;

2009-10-14T00:28:00.002+08:00

30 DAYS TO FREEDOM!

finally.
a month down to Os.

having study break now all the way till 26 Oct.
dont know if its a good thing for me either.
cos i really lack the discipline to study.

oh man.
its just so unbearable.

really really looking forward to the long long hols after Os.
and have absolutely nothing to worry abt,
and do all the stuff i have been itching to,
and of course,
go for trng 4 times a week! :D

i have been having flu for the whole day.
everytime the weather is abit colder my stupid nose will just run.
so irritating.
then i will use up tissue paper very quickly.
like mayb 2 whole rolls.
yes, its the toilet paper roll size.
and i have a pool of used ones right in front of me now.

i really wonder how it feels like to be carefree again.
have not been carefree for so long.
till i have totally forgotten how it feels like.

mei you ren will hou hui zeng jin nu li guo,
zhi you hou hui dang chu mei nu li.

is it just it?
i guess so,

2009-09-26T12:42:00.002+08:00

48 DAYS TO FREEDOM!

didnt catch the last episode of ming zhong zhu ding wo ai ni ytd:(
cos some IDIOT wanted to watch the F1 race live.
please lor, like he even understand what the host is talking abt-.-

some stuff that Dionne said thats super meaningful and true!

"We will train tgt as a team, fight tgt as a team and win tgt as a team!"

"We're really fortunate to be in this sport; we experience much more than pp usually do. We dont have just normal friendship bonds, we have teammates! Its not just friendship, its like family ties; its so darn cool to be sharing a passion with pp as close as family!"

hope we will really make history and get national champion! :)
and also really hope that my leg will get better and fully recover.

too late.

2009-09-18T23:18:00.003+08:00

56 DAYS TO FREEDOM!

N
O
S
T
A
L
G
I
C
.

feel sort of contradicted now.
want Os to end faster but hate the fact there is only like 39 days before Os.
simply hate all the pre-exam period.
its really a torture.

suddenly feel like making history.
suddenly want to get A1 for Physics for Os.
despite failing by 3 marks for prelims-.-
also want my name to appear on the board near the GO where all the names of pp who get more than 6 distinctions are.
haha. suddenly so ambitious.

memories are evidence that we actually existed,
so we should never try to erase any part of our memory;
cos all of it,
regardless of sweet or bitter;
are precious and irreplacable :)

30 letters.
the past,
is not fated to be involved in the future.

stop p_____ and f______.
i am totally disgusted.

2009-09-12T23:27:00.003+08:00

62 DAYS TO FREEDOM!

ytd was like the last Fairfield trng for me.

and i think i will miss all the times we all shared,
be it happy or sad, tired or high;
cos they are all memories,
and memories are beautiful:)

and i will continue to work even harder in future.

i really wanna thank my primary teachers for trying so hard to start volleyball as a new CCA despite so many obstacles.
really wanna thank them so much for introducing volleyball into my life.

it really enriched my life,
it really did:)

and made me experience so much things that i will never ever regret and forget.

i really hate to leave at this moment,
when i finally found someone that i can trust,
and has been thru so much tgt.

but,
thats just life,
isnt?

erased.

2009-09-10T23:26:00.001+08:00

over;
no regrets.

2009-09-06T13:32:00.002+08:00

68 DAYS TO FREEDOM!

went for trng ytd.
and almost did eveything that everyone did.
mayb except for warm up.
its really tring man.
hvent had such a great workout for dont know how long ard.
so now whole body aching like mad.
and.
for the first time.
got a big patch of blue black on my right hand.
all because of the stupid snow's fault.
somemore the ball is new one so damn hard.
then when receving the stupid snow's service the ball keep touching only my right hand-.-
so my left hand is perfectly alright.

going to Sharalyn's house for lunch before trng on tues.
looking forward to the popcorn egg that i ate last time.
its really very nice:)
hope that i can persuade laopo to go wth me also.
and hopefuly go trng as well.
hmm, looks like i am hoping too much..

and.
for this short 1 week holiday.
there are still like hw.
let me list them out here in case i do forget them later and get scolded on the first day of school.

A Maths Paper 2000, 2001, 2002
E Math Papers
Phy Papers
Chem Papers
HCL Summary
HCL Papers
English Compre

that should be abt it.
gonna try to finish at least half of them.
will start mayb later.
and later.
and later.

shun qi zi ran.

2009-09-03T19:08:00.002+08:00

71 DAYS TO FREEDOM!

going school these few days are like a total waste of time.
how can you go thru papers when we dont even have our scripts with us lah.
whats the bloody point lah-.-
super waste time can.
msw let us have break all the way to next term right.
somemore teachers can enjoy a longer hols.
win-win situation can.

i am so happy that my HCL got A1 and improve from mid years! haha.
altough i was like late for paper 2. haha.
come to think its like so ridiculous lah.
hopefully O levels it wont happen again lah.

wa today the class really the best lah.
8 absentees.
and all of them are girls, coincidentally.
no wonder today during assembly our class have so much space and a mch shorter line than usual.

i totally have no mood to study now.
really wonder when i will really settle down and start revision.
mayb i will go for trngs in the hols.
so long never play ard lah.
and i really wanna get back my touch.
if not later after Os will deprove like mad.

i guess its quite clear now;
a beautiful illusion,

2009-09-01T00:08:00.007+08:00

我的快乐 - 锦绣二重唱
命中注定我爱你 OST

徘了徊了走了错了哭了懂了累了倦了困了
烦的乱的等的
都是真的

疯的想的念的不安的焦虑的
复杂的梦过的拥有的失去的
怎么忘呢

你坐过的沙发宽了你爱的音乐停了
我等着你等成了摆设

我的你的他的好的坏的难的
灰的蓝的黄的酸的甜的苦的
都还记得

非常想要忘的绝对不能忘的
我心要换你的真的不行了了
只得放了

环岛的火车载着我第几天了
忽然发现这一刻我不想你了

我的快乐会回来的
只要清楚曾爱得那么深刻
不准问值不值得

我的快乐会回来的
离开不是谁给了谁的选择

我的快乐会回来的
只要清楚曾爱得那么深刻
不准问值不值得

我的快乐会回来的
离开不是谁给了谁的选择

我的快乐会回来的
只要清楚曾爱得那么深刻
不准问值不值得

我的快乐会回来的
离开不是你给了我的选择

疯的想的念的不安的焦虑的
复杂的梦过的拥有的失去的
怎么忘呢

非常想要忘的绝对不能忘的
我心要换你的真的不行了了
只得放了

放了...
忘了...

2009-08-31T23:28:00.001+08:00

just finished watching ming zhong zhu ding wo ai ni.
this episode is so sad.
and the next episode will be even sadder:(

i cant seem to go to sleep.
so i am gonna be here until i feel sleepy.
so gonna update every now and then.

oh yah.
almost forgot to mention.
SOME IDIOT WENT TO STEAL MY SLIPPERS.
its like quite new and,
most imptly, i paid for it using my own money lah.
stupid idiot.
your conscientious is gonna bug you forever,
and you wont get to enjoy peace for the rest of your idiotic life.

so i am gonna get one real soon,
cos i dont want to wear my bro's ugly slippers anymore.

pathetic eh.
now slippers also can lose.
i dont know wjat i will lose next man.
better not be something impt.

i miss volleyball so much;
i miss the joy it never fail to bring,
i miss being so no life and just being preoccupied with it,
and not have the time and energy to think of other stuff,
stuff that i shouldnt be thinking of.

oh man.
this is really unbearable.

2009-08-31T20:39:00.000+08:00

74 DAYS TO FREEDOM!

actually had a post before this, but saved it as draft,
decided that it should be personal.
dont think anyone has saw it,
cos its only there for mayb 10 seconds.

prelims finally over.
didnt really study for it(again).
but overall i feel that it was quite managable though.
if i happen to do badly then ignore my previous sentence. lol.

in the end didnt went to watch The Proposal with Dionne and Justina.
Dionne's grandma had an important operation that day so she had to stay with her.
then Justina decided to Isabel's house to watch huan huan ai.

so ended up in Lido with Madeline, Valerie, Cherise, Cleo...
shall i list them all out?
i shall lah, for the sake of not wanting to offend anyone. haha.
lets start again.

so ended up in Lido with Madeline, Valerie, Cherise, Cleo, Faith, Alison, Jeanette, Tong Hann, Wesley, Cephas. watched The Proposal still.
yah thats abt it.
if i still left anyone out, i sincerely apologise lah ok.
but i really dont think there is still anyone ard lah.

then watched Up with Cherise and Cleo while the others went Ion.
almost fell asleep lah.
eyes were probably very tired by then ard.

i think The Proposal is nice and really funny lah.
esp the chanting and the dog and the naked part. haha.
everyone should go catch it:)

Up is not as funny but not bad lah.
some parts are still quite funny.
but if yon are not an animation-lover like me,
you can pass it:)

i am glad it isnt that influential anymore,
if not i would be sinking even deeper.

its time to let go,
i guess.

hope i would get over it real soon,
and start anew;

since its pointless holding on to whats not rightfully and not fated to be mine.

"wang ji wo men,
zeng jing x___ a_"

2009-08-27T17:10:00.003+08:00

a fall from heaven to hell,
simply takes a second.

2009-08-26T18:40:00.001+08:00

79 DAYS TO FREEDOM!

YAY!
finally came to the second last day of prelims.
only left with Physics MCQ whichs so insignificant.
although i started slacking since last fri.
but was just too lazy to blog.

watching The Proposal with Dionne and Justina tmr,
followed by Sakae buffet.
totally cant wait! haha.
salmon, here i come! hah

oh yah.
almost forgot to talk abt that.
I WAS LATE FOR HCL PAPER 2, hows that?
came into the exam hall around 8 plus lah.
i open the door and walked it.
and apparently the whole hall was starring at me but i tried not to care.
but the teachers like treat me as transparent like that.
so i just walk to my seat.
then Mano ask me to stand up to check my pocket.
like how can i still cheat lah-.-
but i still manage to have some time left:)

i dont know why its so short-lived,
hu len hu re.

AND ALL THE BIG MOUTHS BETTER LISTEN UP,
ALL OF YOU WILL COME TO NO GOOD END!

i am really unsure of ______ _______,
there is still some part of me,
that dont wish to find out,
and let things stay as it is;
for i simply cant pull out;
unresistable,
but would fate allow it?

2009-08-14T23:53:00.002+08:00

just saw the news of the disastrous flood in Taiwan.
and its reported that some of the rescuers lost their lives while saving the pp.
its just so sad.
they are doing such a good deed but they unfortunately paid for it with their previous lives.
the fact that they are willing to risk their lives to save pp whom they dont even know is ard remarkable.
3 cheers for them!
may god bless their famalies that they had left behind and not be sad abt their loved ones' death, but instead be proud of that.

really hope the flood will end soon and the pp will be out of the misery and sufferings they are going thru now.

what if i really cant play anymore?
i will really just die lah.
my life will be meaningless and without a purpose.
please, dont let it ever happen.
i wont be able to take it.
it is the last thing.

and my future teamie, dionne,
its was fun-sation talking to you! haha.
talk again next time k!
and i totally cant wait for the post-prelims lunch:D
really hope to see you soon.

"study hard now and play hard later"

2009-08-14T11:37:00.003+08:00

91 DAYS TO FREEDOM!

YAY!
spotted the SS SEQ correctly!
but the SBQ was quite hard though.

currently slacking at CCK library.
dont feel like going home so early.
my mum dont even know prelims started ard.
not intending to tell her anw.

had a special dream the night before ytd.
dreamt abt the first day of school in AC.
then a few guys came to bully Dionne or Justina, cant really rmb.
then i went to scold them until dog's blood drip on their heads (gou xue lin tou).
almost wanna bashed them up lah. haha.
then my phone alarm rang.
so the dream ended.

How would you feel if someone go around to spread stuff abt you when its supposed to be confidential?

so,
to all big mounths,
dont make empty promises when you truly know you cant keep it;
reason being very simple,
because you have totally no right to do so.

i dont wish to find out,
i dont want to know,
i just want things to stay this way;
for i have no confidence that it will turn out better,

2009-08-08T23:24:00.003+08:00

97 DAYS TO FREEDOM!
(i am going to count down from this post onwards, so that would be my new heading for every post)

MY BLOG IS ALMOST AS GOOD AS DEAD.

i know that.
i am just too lazy to blog.
sometimes i just on my com, then totally dont feel like blogging.
dont know why.

prelims in 6 more days.
hvent even started anything.

oh yah.
i am going to tell you the MOST ridiculous thing that you will ever hear of.

I,
SPRAINED MY NECK,
AND IT CANT MOVE FOR THE WHOLE DAY UNTIL I HAD TO SIGN OUT,
JUST BECAUSE,
.
.
.

I SNEEZED.

i really dont know how retarded can i still get.
and it just recovered fully today.
i sort of can freely turn my neck now.
how wonderful.

then went to see doc on mon.
then i told him what happened to my neck that morning, but he sort of just ignored that and ask if i have any other problems.
then my mum was standing there behind the doc, gesturing to tell me to tell the doc abt all the old and still acting injuries i have all at one shot-.-

then told him abt my knee that has been frequently hurting for the past 2 years.
took 2 X-rays.
and there is nth wrong with the bone structure and all.
so i was referred to NUH Sports Med.
i changed the appointment to 1st Sep(originally 4 Aug, which is the day i was given MC for-.-) so that i can miss one school day since its at 9.20.

and i got an MC for tues.
so didnt go the founder's day celebration in school.
missed out alot of fun, i think.

i totally cant wait any longer.
i want 96 days to pass now!
NOW!

At 09:01:01 on 13 Nov,
mayb you will hear me scream.
so just to inform you in advance.

SS test and HCL test this coming tues.
i think i will study for that at least.
since its actually not that difficult.

am i really out of it?
or i am just into another?
and the whole episode just repeats itself,
is that really what is gonna happen?
i really cant take it once more.

its coming again;
the moment i close my eyes,
your face appears right before my eyes;
i simply cant,
simply cant r____ it.
do you really know?
and if you do, are you just trying to keep it on?
i really wanna know the truth, it cant be coincidental, right?
all of it just seem so real, yet so far sometimes.
you are really confusing me, you really do.

but,
is it really better to stay this way?

2009-08-01T01:07:00.002+08:00

met up with my future teammate ytd! i mean the day b4 ytd since its saturday now.

went AC to submit the DSA form tgt.
then we explored the school for a while.
then we ended up sitting on the benches in front of the track.

the breeze was really nice:)
can imagine that it will be my favourite hangout place next time.
then we started talking abt our teams and stuff:)
also crapped alot:)

left the school around 6, walked all the way to BV MRT.
can imagine walking the same route next time.
then on the MRT, it was crowded as usual.
but still managed to talk abit, i guess.

reached CCK in no time.
and since all of them tempted me to buy bbt, i bought one as well.
then walked.
and walked.
until we reached a traffic where everyone was supposed to part.
then end up staying there for like half an hour.

then finally parted and reach home around 8.

i am really glad i am out of it ard.
thank god:)

you,
are making me confused;

2009-07-23T01:11:00.004+08:00

YAY!
finally finish laopo's bd present :D
i am super proud of myself man :) haha.

there is still some hw left.
Phy TYS WS
Eng Compo
Eng Compre
HCL TYS 2004 & 2005 Paper 2
SS SBQ
SS SEQ
Bio TYS
Chem Equations WS
A Maths Shinglee Book
E Maths Shinglee Book

just realised that its alot after listing them all out.
gona finish all of it one day.
one.
really.
fine.
day.

should i really _______ to you?
i really wonder if things will really stay the same after that,
i am certain it wont;
as it would be either hell or heaven,
and the risk is simply too big for me to take,
simply too big,
and i really need couarge;
alot of it,

2009-07-23T00:00:00.008+08:00

HAPPY 16TH BIRHTDAY EUNICE KUEK YUE YIN!

LOOK AT THE TIME NOW MAN!
i bet i am the first person in the whole whole to wish her that :)
and i am very proud of it :D

so..

THIS POST IS DEDICATED TO MY DEAREST LAOPO!

Day after day, year after year,
you have found so many ways to make me happy.
No matter what changes we go through,
No matter what life might bring our way,
No matter how much time goes by,
I will always,
And forever love you;

Laopo, you are the most important person in my life.

i know i can totally be myself whenever i am with you :D
i know i dont need to hide any of my emotions in front of you :D
i know you are there for me no matter what happens :D
i know i can totally trust you and confide in you :D
i know you always listen to me and wont ever find it irritating :D
i know you always care alot for me and wont ever stop doing so :D
i know i cant live without you always by my side :D

and,
i just wanna tell you,

I REALLY LOVE YOU VERY VERY MUCH!
AND I WONT EVER STOP LOVING YOU AS WELL!
FOREVER AND EVER!

and i know you love me equally much :D

Love,
Hui Min
Your Beloved Laogong :)

2009-07-22T23:16:00.002+08:00

i will srsly try to add some visuals to my blog.
like some pictures and stuff.

tday was quite a long day.
and expectedly didnt see the eclipse.
i ard know it would be quite impossible to see it here in Singapore. plus it rained. even impossible.
but i still mananged to successfully bluff a few pp that my class saw the eclipse and took some pictures of it. haha.

lessons were boring as usual.
Mr Tan went for some course today.
so we joined the geo class.
Mr Sim's lesson was just so.. unique.
its like so different from Mr Tan's.
but i think both are good in different ways.

then was dismissed early due to the O'level Chinese LC.
i wasnt involved, so stayed in the classroom to study(supposedly) with Justina.
but after clearing my desk and putting all my stuff to the new locker, tong hann was in the classroom ard.
so expectedly, was distracted and started "destroying" the school property.
then when Wesley came along, i suggested that we should play monkey with the soft volleyball(i really have no idea why its in the classroom).
then we started playing like mad monkeys.
i volunteered to be the monkey first.
and expectedly(its like the third time i said this word), i caught hold of the ball within a few passes :) haha.
then after we were confused as to who was the monkey so we carried on playing without a monkey.
so its just like literally throwing the ball across the classroom to each other-.-
then we threw the ball like freaking hard lah.
until..
some retarded person threw the ball and it hit the full-blasting fan-.-
its not me ok.
but to protect that person's privacy(or whatever you call that), i shallnt reveal the peson's name.
then wan xian(our class chair) asked us to stop playing.
so we obeyed obediently.
then the LC is starting ard.
so me and Justina went to the foyer to continue what we were doing.

then met girlf and had lunch after a few mins in the foyer.
went Dover, both of us ate mee pok.
then caught up a little as well :)

saw Stephen and Henry eating in the canteen.
since Eleanor still had the key with her(for almost a week), we went up ISH tgt.
was supposed to just acc her up and study with Justina agter that.
but in the end succumb to the temptation.
and played ball until 5.45.

went home after that.
alot of retarded happened to me on the way home.
shallnt mention it too :) haha.

For pp taking pure sciences, its O'level Chem SPA tmr yeah.
so if you happen to pass by and didnt know abt it, thank me man.
hvent study at all for it yet.
gona do so later.

i think i understand it now.
some things dont need to be said,
they are to be felt by the heart.

are you really feeling ___ ____ for me?

2009-07-18T01:20:00.003+08:00

oh yah. almost forgot abt it.
the AC vball teacher phoned me when i was still at laopo's house.
she told me that my DSA is cfm and a letter would be sent to me within next week.
and if i hadnt received the letter must call her.
her phone number damn cool lah. its like 9876543 with like only one more repeated digit.
shallnt reveal which digit to protect her privacy.
so you guys can try to guess.
heh.
i know no one is going to do that.

want to really thank girlf for taking time to accompany me to play ball ytd :)
really appreciate it very much :)
hope there will be more of such chances :)
loving you long time :)
(does this sound familiar? haha!)

2009-07-17T20:42:00.003+08:00

YTD WAS A BLAST MAN! :D

went for the DSA trial ytd.
but played ball with my beloved girlf before it starts at 5.30 :D
had lots of fun :D
and it was definitely quality time(as claimed by girlf) :D

went to get key from Ms Chin then went to ISH to get a ball.
we were trying to get back our touch since we hadnt even touched the ball for so long ard.

then after while went to climb on the stone that was beside the ISH.
i climbed up first, then she climbed up.
talked for awhile with flies flying around. (i shallnt eleborate why... haha.)
until.
a huge bee came by.
i saw it first so i screamed first.
somemore since the bee incident a few months back during trng, i ard had phobia of bees lah.
then eleanor saw it, screamed then immediately jumped off the stone.
then she made a big impact on her knee since her jump was so sudden.
and i was still up there lah. didnt dare to move an inch.
then came down after the bee is within safety distance away from me.
continued to play ball for a little while longer.

then we got hungry so went canteen to eat.
we both ate some maggie mee thing from spice trail.
its like i have been in the shool for 4 years but i have never eaten that before.
quite nice though.
then slacked for awhile.
and caught up with each other once more :)

then xiao lan and dione came along so we all played tgt.
and soon it was time for me to go.
waited for cheryl to come in the toilet, trying to make my hair neater.
must have a good first impression ma, haha! lol.
was late ard so climbed over the back gate.
ran all the way there lah. with bags and everything.

then the AC secutity guard took our temperature with the high-tech themometer lah.
the one where you just need to shne sone light at the forehead then can get your temp kind.
reached the court and the others were ard in the midst of warming up ard.
so faster joined them.
we did some free spike.
then played 3 sets.
and i was assigned by wee ang to play like all the positions lah.
centre, open, setter, subset. yes. i just realised i played every position. lol.

the pp who went for it were generally nice pp:)
can imagine them to be teammates next time.
i think should be not bad lah. haha.
there were a total of 10 pp, abt 3 from BPGH, then a mixture of AMK and CCHY. also including the 4 fairfield ones also.

then the BP setter damn funny lah. haha.
jack also lah. we tgt the last set and we laughed at each other like mad dungs lah. haha.
and i realised that she is only 20 days bigger than melah. haha.
not bad. my future senior. haha.

it ended at around 8.
then went home with cheryl after that.
went dover to get some drinks.
then took bus and MRT home.

reached home around 9 plus.
got nagged expectedly then went to bathe.
and chiong all the hw until abt 1 plus.
then.
i saw this HUGE cockroach crawling at the edge of the celling in my room.
i was like WTF?
then i got a broom and the dustpan from the store then awaited for the best moment to strike.

*after half an hour*
then finally, it was half dead in the dustpan.
i wanted to spray insectscide at it to make it really dead, but just couldnt find it.
so i just threw the body outside the corridor in the smal drain.

then went to sleep, feeling a great sense of achievement :)

then today its was a super long day at school.
oh yah. btw i was late for school as usual.
then lesson until 1.45.
and starting from this friday, i will having lessons till 2.15 every fri.
marvellous.

then did some E Maths while waitin or laopo's remedial to end.
went Clem to eat Sumo.
laopo says its not nice :S
then went to cotton on at Lot 1.
and went to her house after buying pants there.

watched youtube video as usual.
its damn nice :)
my stupid flash player was like spoiled then cant watch anything lah.

and happy moments just flew by and soon it was time to go home.
laopo kindly acc me home.
and so i went home.

and here i am now.
time check ---> 1.15
i took like a bloody 5 or 6 hours to write this lah.
not exactly lah. was playing some lame games and talking on msn as well.
i think i should go to sleep now.

my.
eyes.
are.
closing.

just merely keeping the feeling on,
right?

2009-07-10T20:40:00.004+08:00

didnt expect this week to be tiring too.
but at least not as bad as last week.
but still stayed up late until around 2 to finish hol hw.

theres A Maths mock test tmr.
hope i wont be late again.

and i just know abt the DSA try out thing on tues.
so long never play ard.
mayb gonna play abit first before gg for it.
really miss trng alot. dont know when its gonna resume.
but i clearly know i shouldnt b gg for it.
prelims is just a bloody one month away.
i really dont know how am i gonna do well.

kept on thinking abt what if i hadnt _________.
would life be better, be happier than now?
but i know for sure,
that totally isnt the world i belong to.

i really why i had such courage to make a daring decision then.
am i simply ignorant or didnt think that much?

everything was so simple then.
didnt even know what it feels to be sad.
except when we hadnt made it into top4. i rmbed crying for 1 week or so for that lah.

and i know its totally impossible for things to return to where it originally was.
but i just cant help thinking abt it.
because its simply too perfect.

i cant help feeling j______,
although i know i totally have no right,
but now i know for sure,
you are no longer just a c____ to me anymore,
it is just so real,
really real.

2009-07-04T20:15:00.002+08:00

YEAH!
this week is finally coming to an end:)
finally finish rushing all the stupid hols hw. not exactly all either. still left with some Maths papers.
have been sleeping for less than 3 hours for the whole week to do all of it lah :(
so i slept like 10 hours:D

AND,
i was like late for the mock test today lah.
then the clumsy teacher forgot to give me the paper then go start the exam-.-
then after that realised hvent record my temp also.
so as a result, the whole classs started the test 2 mins late. haha.

went KBox(again) with laopo after the E Maths mock test.
sang the songs we were singing on the way home ytd!
haha. they were all damn nice:D
then after that went to play STACKER!
AND,
i ALMOST got a PSP, DS, or TOUCH PHONE ok!
just miss by 1 block lah-.-
haihz.
BUT,
i am definitely going back to try again man!
not ever gonna give up :| haha.

thought thru alot of things these few days.
sometimes i really think too much. then i just make myself suffer.
so i try to not think too much and live life to the maximum ;)
and most imptly,
BE HAPPY :D

letting go,
easier said than done;
i simply cant,

2009-06-25T23:24:00.002+08:00

WOW!
i cant believe what i happened ytd and today lah!
ok. let me start with ytd.

talked to snow wife the whole night before ytd.
then HU (hanged up, and jermaine you better dont laugh too loud) at abt 6 plus to go bathe and get ready to meet her at her house.
then it was like raining and it really dampened snow's mood.
then was damn angry when i failed to buy barcadi from sheng siong.
somemore i had high hopes since snow wife said i looked quite matured with my hair let down.
then aft that went to buy 100 plus from the vending machine to compensate.

then took a damn crowded bus straight to Vivo.
then ate KFC breakfast. ordered platter meal and it was so filling:) and SO MUCh nicer than Mac's.
then went to 7-11 hoping to get some nice barcadi to enjoy at the beach.
but failed totally.
so took monorail to Sentosa.
then my stupid phone no batt lah. then cant take any nice pics. was so bloody angry lah. wanted to post them de lor.
then wanted to sun tan but there wasnt any sunlight at all.
then aft that drizzle somemore-.-
so swam abit.
and regretted swimming :(
should have brought vball along lor. at least still can play then wont so bored.

then we were really bored so went to bathe then ate pizza hut for lunch.
then got 1 stupid ang moh(female) keep on starring at us since jer dropped the bowl accidentally and made considerable noise.
idiot lor.
haha. but we had our revenge.
another ang moh(male) dining with her dropped his utensils on the floor and made a louder noise.
then i immediately seized the chance and STARRED at them for damn long!
HAHAHA. then the ang moh(female) like quite paiseh and her expression was retarded funny lah.
then aft jer went to get some hand cream for her mum, and of course, not forgetting to reward herself by gettin some chocolate for herself :/
then i went to buy slippers. and took a long time to decide which one to buy.
chose the red one and i was super satisfied :D

then aft that felt like buying more stuff aft feeling so good aft buying the slippers. somemore i had some of my coaching money with me.
Vivo no wallet shop so decided to go Lot 1 buy.
and jer kindly acc me :)

took MRT there and played some retarded game on the way.
laughed like mad dungs until i think the whole MRT is sort of irritated with us?
HAHAHA. but it was totally enjoyable:)

went to cotton on and saw a nice top.
tried it and bought it.
then went to the wallet shop.
saw one wallet and i thought it was so nice that i bought it immediately lah!
so i was SUPER DUPER satisfied!

then went home while jer took 188 to meet her mum for dinner.
and the best was that my parents didnt even suspect anything! :0

then,
to ruin my quite happy day,
my mum told me that grandpa had just been diagnosed of stomach and throat cancer.
and the cancer cells had ard spread.
i was like WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

W H Y ! :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

he really treat us very well yknow.
my mum also says i owe my intelligence to him cos when i like super young like 1 or 2 years old that time, he like bought that kinda quite expensive fish then cooked porridge for me.
then every week he will give us 10 bucks each although he not very well off.
i really.
really.
really.
dont want to lose such a good grandpa.
although i know for sure he will not see this but i just wanna say,
gong gong i really love you and i hope that you will stay strong and survive this ordeal.
and i know you definitely can.

and went KBox with ah hai and laopo today.
sang alot of songs until i think i got a little bit of sore throat now.
then after that laopo went off for tuition, then Sharalyn and I went to watch movie at JP.
it was nice and i recommend everyone to go watch it --> Ghost of girlfriend's past.
then Sharalyn took 198 and i took 172. so we went home in seperate ways. (i dont know why i had described it that way also-,-)

then watched tv, bathed, then now here.

i suddenly have the urge to make you real,
but deep down,
i know i shouldnt;

2009-06-24T22:58:00.002+08:00

its like ages since i last blogged.
not gonna care abt the hols hw anymore :(
its like stressing me up like madness :(

SATURDAY, JUNE 20, 2009

YEAH!
i rmb playing with the B'girls tgt against the old girls as part of their U19 trng.
it was really fun:)
its was really so nice to be back in the team again:)
then trained with almost all the old girls back.
haha. they super funny:)
we went to eat KFC after that since i had brought the whole coupon booklet and kindly offered to share with everybody.
then was laughing like mad dungs with Sharalyn at laopo, also at Jean's chinese, i think, couldnt really rmb.
then after that laopo was too tired to follow us to play arcade so headed home first.
then the three of us went to play arcade.
oh yah and before we went there, we went to place our booking at KBox for thurs:D
then we started off with basketball shooting.
me and Sharalyn played first. not bad. we went into the forth round i think.
then later jean joined in also.
then the best was... STREET FIGHTERS!
then thing where you have to press buttons like crazy to attack and win the game.
then not knowing how to play, me and Jean just watched Sharalyn play, occasionally shouting words of frustrations.
then after that everybody joined in to play against each other.
and,
we were all screaming and shouting like mad dungs until like the whole arcaed stopped to look at us.
jean was really the best lah. she shouted to the com which was playing against Sharalyn say what time out lah, not fair lah, then shouted at Sharalyn's character say what yes thats right, one to the left, one to the right, faster kick kick kick kick , #@#$#@%$#%%$&^%&&^*$@#@$#@$.
so i just sat there laughing at her :D
along with all the others in the arcade.
then after spending all our tokens, we followed Sharalyn to buy some stuff.

then went home.
then forgot what i did.

MONDAY, JUNE 22, 2009

that was the most enjoyable trng i had in the hols man!
totally rawkz my socks!
cos i just trained with them, did almost everything they did, and it was just so nice:)
and i was like super high ah. although i didnt really sleep last night.
its just a very simple kind of happiness, that never fails to make my day :D
its was tiring, but at the same time its fun.
only volleyball can give me this kinda happiness :)

oh yah. went to fetch ah hai at her house before trng.
and her dad kindly sent us to Clem :D
then we ate Mos burger again.
but this time no baby was there. haha.

went to bathe with Sharalyn as usual after trng. then suddenly jean came in and told me that my dad came to find me in school-.-
surprise spot check!
thn he drove me home. and as usual he talked abt how bad guys are, how green horm i am, how dating is fatal, how marriage is hell etc. forever one.

encouraged;
long pain, short gain,

2009-06-20T01:37:00.001+08:00

hi people!
not sleeping once again with snow wife.
also cant sleep.

but in the end fell asleep.
the end.

2009-06-19T08:53:00.002+08:00

went to eat lunch with laopo at Sharalyn's house ytd!
her cooking skills not bad leh.
and she self created popcorn egg lah. haha. so cool.
then waffle pee a total of 3 times when we were there for only like at most 2 hours.
and the third times he pee on my leg while i was playing with him on Sharalyn's bed lah!

then after we finish eating lunch, we left her house at like 3.
then we cabbed to school.
then on the taxi we talk abt all sort of nonsense(where the uncle is not supposed to hear:0 then laugh like stupid dungs.

then reach school at abt 3.15. then only saw jing hui there.
then wh just ask to da dui with the C girls.

then he made them shout wo yao chu sheng and like fairfield ace for like 220 times.
and he even recorded it lah. wth-.-

then started trng after.
did the chase ball thing as warm up. not bad lah. quite fun:)
then after that mainly threw ball for pp to spike.
then lastly da dui with B girls. haha. very fun!

then went to bathe. then laopo waited outside for us since she dont like to bathe in school.
then went opposit eto buy drinks and some chips.
then Sharalyn went to West Coast so me and laopo went home tgt:D

then reach home eat then sleep.
till now.

ok, going to eat tmy favourite salted duck soup that my mum had cooked!
bye!

shun qi zi ran.

2009-06-16T11:50:00.002+08:00

fcuk.
i just accdentally deleted what i was just abt to publish-.-
ok nvm. i shall start all over again.

totally didnt sleep the night before ytd to accompany snow wife.
then after eating some damn nice durians which my dad and my bro went to pick at some forest, played PS with my bro the whole night.
phone suddenly no batt so i went to charged it. and expectedly snow acused me of sleeping cos i didnt reply her msg.

when we playing halfway my bro suddenly say "jie(sister), tian liang liao leh!"
then i was like so fast?! its like 7 in the morning ard.
he went sleep to avoid suspicion of our parents since he wont be awake so early in the morning.

then i called snow wife then she asked me if we can meet up ealier to go eat at Sumo house. then i was like so early got open meh? then she just say go see lah, if dont have then nvm lor.
so i went to bathe quickly and got ready. then when i was just abt to leave house at abt 9, she tell me she hvent even bathe yet-.-
then saw cheryl at JE. she was on her way to school first then after going for some class outing at Sentosa.

then i forgot to alight at Dover-,-
so took bus to clem. then i called snow wife and she still at home.
i dont want to wait alone at Macs, so i went to her house to meet her.
then saw her fixing her toilet door which had dropped out literally.
then she was there sturggling to fix it back. then went to help her.
its like when the top part of the door is fixed in place the bottom part just drop out, then when the bottom part is fixed the top part drop out. so the 2 dungs continue that cycle for quite long until. her dad came home. then finally the door was finally fixed.
but.
thats not the end of it yet.
i still have to wait for her to find her contact lens, her comb, her rubber band etc.
and she is ard late to meet si min at 10.30 at Macs.
its ard 10.30 and she still finding her stuff.

then finally, we left her house and took 175 to Macs.
i just bought a Hashbrown since i wasnt really hungry. and they both bought big breakfast i think. then after that i bought fries after 11.
then when we were abt to leave, i realised i cant find my phone.
then i straight away say "eh dont play leh, faster give back."
then they just continue act as if they didnt take.
then i really thought i lost it yknow. its like less than month.
then simin cant take it anymore then she say its with jermaine lah.

then took bus to school and we were ard late.
then reach the guard house there then he person there say need take temperature-.-
although it like quite hot my temperature only 36.1 nia.
then supposed to paste some green sticker and must paste there forever-.-

then i was DAMN unlucky can.
we did the thailand warm up. the one you have to catch the ball with one hand if your name is called. if you fail to do so then you have to roll the ball to hit other pp. if you never hit then you lose one life and if you kena hit also lose one life. everyone has 3 lives.
then yg keep on sabbo me-.-
then lost 2 bloody times.
then was supposed to face the wall while the others take one ball and line up somewhere behind me and throw ball at me.
and SOMEBODY hit me 2 bloody times. both on my head somemore.
the first ball the impact was BIG ok, until my eyes water(not cry, of course) lor, cos the ball bounce off the wall in front of me then hit my head.

then played setter for them to spike. set like a dung D:
then did some spiking at 4 for them to receive then spike.
then joined them to sipke at 3 and qu wei at somewhere behind the 3 metre and chiong in to spike.
it was like so long since i last time i did that ard lah.
but its fun though:)

then they did weights.
then wh ask me to go down to the staircase there to see if the guys cheated and take shortcut to cut thru the basketball court downstairs.
jean came along and we talked a little.
went back in after a while then saw them still doing weights and the chasing after the ball thing.

then trng ended jean wanted to bathe so i wanted for her.
then accompanied her to Vivo to meet her friend.
her friend was expectedly late(thats what Jean said) so we sat at the bus stop and talked for a while. until i almost fell asleep listening to her. haha. finally feel tired for the first time of the day for not sleeping a wink last night.
then she send me to the MRT.

then MRT was super crowded lah. stupid peak hour.
then i fell asleep standing. and i knocked onto some guy's shoulder lah!
so embarrassing lah. somemore the girlfriend just beside him-.-

then went home.
eat.
bathe.
watch shuang zi xing.
then slept super early at 10 plus.

then woke up at abt 8 plus automatically today. not bad. slept for 10 full hours.
had a stupid dream again. i dreamt of fainting at some place but forgot is where. then got 1 person stop me from falling. i forgot who that person is ard.
ok thats all i rmb.

then played ps a while then ate curry then now blogging.

split personality,
how?

2009-06-12T20:30:00.003+08:00

YEAH!
finally went Kbox with girlf ytd!
its like we wanna go since like April or March lah.
haha. at first didnt really dare to sing. somemore in front of some you3 lian4 guo4 person. but then after the first song managed to open up abit. HA!

i really wonder if the holiday hw can ever be finished.
its like mission impossible.
somemore 2 weeks of the holiday just flew by lidat.
and minus off the trng days.
so its mission impossible to the power of infinity.

waiting for shuang zi xing to start showing at 9.
still got abt 20 mins. zzz

"tong dao wang le yao zen me han tong,"

2009-06-07T23:28:00.006+08:00

slept really long these few days. like almost 10 hours.
mayb thats not really long but normally even though there is no need for me to wake up early, i will still auto wake up after sleeping for abt 6 hours.

i really dont understand myself sometimes.
i cant seem to control all my thoughts, and all of that just ruled my mind totally.
the more i dont want to think abt it, the more my mind think abt it.
so i thought i will feel better saying it out here and as usual it will work.

i want to leave, leave everything behind me and go somewhere far far away.
and start life afresh.
and be happy and contented with whatever i have.
but still be able to play vball with a few good friends :)
that will be perfect, isnt it?

and so,
thats impossible.

very simple,
perfect=impossible

suddenly recalled abt what yan zheng xu said during some interview.
(in chinese)
"everytime i have to cry in front of the camera, i will have to dig out my saddest past to hurt myself one more time to make myself cry..."

do you have any experience that the moment you recall abt it,
your vision will immediately be blurred?

shi xian yue mo hu,
nao zi li de hui yi,
que yue qing chu;

2009-06-05T23:02:00.002+08:00

went trng ytd.
also going for the one tmr.
went sharalyn's house ytd.
her dog super small sized, just like the owner.
her dog was SUPER cute i tell you. its cute until.. i think nobody in this world will say its not.

i dont know if i am reading too much into things and being too sensative or i am sipmly living in self-denial, refusing to accept the fact. the fact that i am just too stubborn and just reluctant to let go. sometimes i dont feel secure at all, it just feels like an illusion, disappearing anytime. i just simply dont have the confidence. its just so difficult to catch; sometimes it seems to be very near, sometimes it seems to be miles away.
sometimes i dont even know who i am anymore.

it took me almost 1 year,
what about now?

2009-05-31T20:58:00.002+08:00

hi there!
went for trng the past few days. oh gosh, so tiring.
mayb is cos too long didnt go thats why whole body aching.
but really enjoyed them as well!
at least it doesnt make me feel so nostalgic.

and i have made another decision, i guess.

went CCAB to play with my primary school coach and his friends.
they all so pro ah, and they set the net SUPER high. like abt 3 and a half squares above when i raise up my hand. madness.
but the guys there are nice pp though:)
met the Nanyang coach, also the present Concord coach there too.
she fetched me and my coach back since his car crashed into a tree a few months back.
HAHA. what a joke. i just knew it today. and he is getting a new one soon.

have been thinking what i really want these few days.
but have not really come to a conclusion.
but for sure, i know i want to continue volleyball.
i can feel it deep in my heart, i just cant do without it.

things change, people change,
even the weather changes so rapidly.
to survive in this ever-changing world, we must really learn to adapt and to anticipate changes.
for they are always so unprediable and so unexpected.

tmr trng 12 to 4.
yeah, dont need to wake up so early.
and,

GOOD LUCK TO ALL THOSE TAKING O'LEVEL CHINESE TMR!
GO 4E!
GO EVERYBODY!

everything i do,
i imagine it doing together with you,
everything i go,
i imagine you are just by my side;
i simply just cant,
cant take you out of my mind;

2009-05-27T22:33:00.002+08:00

suddenly feel so nostalgic after looking at the U16 redsports articles.
really wanna just go back to that time,
i just missed it so much, just so much.
even though at the beginning it wasnt like this,
but i regreted right at the moment it ended.
why?
why do humans only treasure stuff after they had lost them?

all the hard work, all the effort is only just going to pay off, but it just mercilessly ends just like that, leaving you to only regret for putting in your heart and soul in something that is not going to bear any fruit.

it really shouldnt have been this way,
but,
what more can i really do,
but to vent it all out here,
pathetically;

2009-05-27T20:59:00.002+08:00

finally.
today is the last day of school.
but what awaits me is just tonns and tonns of hw.
but i am determined to finish them! :)
hope i can still find time to go Malaysia, go out with laopo and girlf, and hopefully go some trngs and finally study abit for prelims.

so glad that i had made my decision:)
really hope its right.

i somesort feel that thers is some great uncetainty lying ahead of me, but its kinda of a good feeling. i somehow feel that a good change is going to take place in my life. a major one. and the feeling is just so real, yet so far.

getting report book tmr.
my mum say she busy then dont want go. also good lah.
and i realised that my parents never ever go for MTP sessions. not even for the last one now. also good lah.
then after meeting laopo to go and have zhu guang wu can. HAHAHA
super looking forward to that:D
i bet we are so going to have lots of fun like we did the previous time, or rather al the time:)))))))
love you so much, laopo! muacks!

reality,
happening in fantasy;

2009-05-20T18:34:00.003+08:00

results are finally all out today. expectedly, did badly for CH. so it pulled up my L1R5 by quite alot. the others are ok lah. i am sort of happy that i got B3 for Bio though i didnt study.
ok. enough on results.
wnt home with laopo after school today. like so long never go home tgt ard! (although we go to school everyday tgt) haha. then ate pizza hut. my treat!
talked alot as usual. haha. we forever got stuff to talk abt:D totally enjoyed eating with her! :DDDDDDDDDD its like so relaxed, so nice, so unrestricted, so happy:D so we decided that every wed we will eat tgt after school to destress. yeah!
then she need to do coursework for F&N, so didnt really stay for long then went home. bathed then sittin in front of com now.

was feeling super confused these few days.
but i think now, i have come to a decision?

"i love you, not because of who you are, is because when i am with you, i can be who i am,"

2009-05-12T19:29:00.002+08:00

of all papers, we had to start going thru Physics first.
but i was quite happy that i passed actually. i didnt even like study or memorise any retarded formula.
but actually is go thru Eng first. but kena chase out by Mano so didnt konw anything. but heard that everyone didnt really do well so dont really expecting much.
then went thru Physics. was so happy that i passed.
then had PE. took height and weight then played basketball. then played volleyball at the end of the PE lesson when Francis Ng told us to keep the ball but no one cared a hoot abt him. then i started hitting the ball super high until it touched the celling. then the guys follow suit. then they hit so hard until the ball hit the celling quite loudly so Francis Ng heard it. so he was like asking the guys to come to him. then the rest of us faster run the the girls toilet to hide. and when he wasnt noticing we dashed out of the ISH. haha. and i was the one who started it :P
then HCL was fun as usual. didnt do all the hw so hv to hand them all up by tmr. then just before lesson end that time she gave us a chinese phrase to solve by adding commas in between and saying that there are 2 pronounciations for the word. and ask us to tell her the ans tmr. so interesting!
so tmr will go thru other papers. really hope i will do well cos i sort of studied quite hard for it although i know its super insufficient but at least i made the effort to work hard.

the world that we are living is always so ever-changing, it changes so fast that it is almost impossible for us to have the time to realise that we cant take things for granted. and we must treasure and cherish them.

perfect impossible;

2009-05-11T02:47:00.002+08:00

hi! back again.
very bo liao now. and cant seem to sleep. mayb cos last nite slept very late.
yeah! finally bought the multi purpose charger today.
i can then finally reunite with mt phone! hooray!
haha. i am crazy.

i dont want school to reopen so fast. i want more breaks.
i dont want to wake up so early everyday just to go to school. that immediately dampens my mood.

days go by,
but you dont;

2009-05-11T02:29:00.002+08:00

went to watch Ramen girl ytd with my cousins. i mean the day before ytd to be strict. yah. really wanna thank them for making feel quite happy that day. like so long nv go out with them ard can. like i dont even know one of them cut her hair short. so caught up with them abit.
went to eat new york new york before that. and its was like super crowded can.
then went her house(which is on the same level as mine, we are neighbours!) after that. talked abt all the stuff in the world. abt almost everything. abt when the world is going to end mainly.
its like super scary can. they say there will be like a tsunami or earthquake or some natural disaster on 22 July this year that will probably kill one third of the world's population.
O M G
i totally cant imagine it.
what if i am one of the one third?
will i have any regrets?

2009-05-10T00:51:00.003+08:00

HI PEOPLE!
mid years finally over!
so i went to reward myself by watching 2 movies so far.
and also use the com like crazy.

this is like the first time i study for exams lah. except for like Physics and Bio lah. but the Bio paper was like the easiest one i have taken in my life man. all the common test and always seem alien to me. this mid year one like quite commom sense. so although i didnt study i still like know how to do most of the questions. but i think i wont fail this time lah. hope so lor.
but the History SEQ totally screwed up. i tink everyone did also lah. who the hell will seriously go and study all the SEQ statistics and facts and figures lah. futhermore collectivisation is like hell long ago can. who can rmb lah. probably only pp like wesley chia who studys like complete madness. like to the extend of finshin the TYS even before the teacher even teach it. and will hog the teacher and bombard him with like a million questions at a time.
ok. enough on that.
since its ard over, no point talking abt it since it cant change anything yah.

went to watch X-men rite after the last paper(Biology) at Shaw Centre with mad and val. ate subway before that. but then sneak it with the unfinished cookies that will super nice:P omg. then what happened aft the movie was totally crazy.

1) as usual, madeline chan clumsily dropped her water bottle cap on the floor. then she was like finding it like super anxiously which i also dont know why. then yknow the cinema was like totally dark then she couldnt find it. then she was like pulling my shirt asking help her. so as a very kind person i lend her a hand but still couldnt find it cos its really too dark. then she went to the next row cos its was empty. then she like literally lay(or lie, whatever) on the floor and like move her hands on the floor to find the cap. her super awkward position made me and val laugh like dungs. probably thats why quite a number of pp turned back and look. then we immediately hid behind the seats so they all direct their attention to dear madeline chan who is still in that super funny and awkward position and not knowing pp are looking at her. and still there saying "wheres the stupid cap lah aiya" then we all laugh even louder and that got her more attention.

2) then after that i was like laughing at her for buying such a big cup of popcorn when before that i ard told she cant finish that much then end up hv alot left. then the next second alot of yellow stuff filled my whole vision. she just poured all the popcorn all over. i was like TOTALLY stunned that she wont actually do that as a HEAD councillor. but she looked more shocked than i do. so i was like "did you did it on purpose" then she made me air talk and faster swept all the popcorns on the floor back to the big cup with val, clumsily as usual. then the best was the cleaner come ard, two somemore, one on left one on right. haha. then i ask them just go lah, dont care lah, also not enough time AND OH YAH, FASTER TAKE OUT YOUR HED COUNCILLOR BADGE! but they made me air talk again. then the bestest is that madeline chan dropped the big cup and spilled all the popcorn again, as clumsly as usual. so they finally gave up and ran out. leaving me to carry her stupid bag. wth lah. made a mess ard then still ran the fastest-.- make the cleaner think i was the culprit. idiot-.-

then went taka to get some notebook for mad to give her mum as mother's day present. using the $50 taka voucher that we won during the funfair at our class the stall(by cheatuing our score.. shhh) which was donated to the class by madeline chan's parents. retarded rite-.- then cant find the stationary section. i was like taka got sell this kind of thing meh. then she say got and she see before. then we find for quite long. originally we at third floor. then went a big round. end up in third floor unknowingly again. then gave up and ask the staff. then finally got there. and the stationary section was HUGE i tell you. HUGE until got only abt 5 types of notebook-.- then in the end also didnt but anything from there.

then took MRT with val home while mad went borders and get something else. missed our stop so took back from Marina Bay. then talked all the way until she alighted at clem.

i think i am getting over it,
but,
am i?

2009-04-30T20:37:00.002+08:00

since theres no sch tmr, i shall make up all the time that i should have spent blogging the past few wks.

have been faithfully doing almost all the hw, but still have not started studying at all. sounds kinda stupid, i know.

was really happy when i gt back mt HCL results. finally got the first A1 in the 4 years i have spent taking it.
this proves that XH is SO MUCH better than all the other cheena teachers who all probably wont even know whats f**k. or even know if you are calling them stupid or asking them to shut up.
theres probably why i used to ENJOY HCL lessons in sec2 and 3, i guess.

mum suddenly ask me to go for a morning jog with her(and bro, which i dont want him to go, so dont want to mention, so ignore everything in this bracket after reading it). then after that go eat breakfast. so weird rite.
but i think also good lah, never go trng for so long ard. all the muscles become fats ard.

sian lah. physics got like 20 bloody chpts to study leh.
bio only got 6 and its ard killin me.
chem should be the easiest among the 3, but i hvent even started.
so its just as worse.

always thought that aft Os will b sort of like stress-free,
butthen like 2 yrs aft that got A level, then 3 yrs aft that got uni.
its like never ending.

actually felt like leaving Fairfield, to a completely new environment,
but now i totally dont know where to go, or where i can go.
dont want to actually start afresh again, like making new friends and all.
just want things to stay this way.
as it cant get any worst, nor can it get better.
but at least there is a higher chance of it gettin better, i guess?
argh. dont know what i am talking abt.

suddenly dont feel like continuing volleyball in JC, but then feel damn wasted if i had not continued. if i join another sport, then have to start from scratch again. and probably will be in the reserve team. which kinda sucks. so i guess i will still continue volleyball? nar, its too early to say any thing. no one knows what will happen in the future.

i dont know who i am anymore,
i am losing hold of myself;

2009-04-30T19:45:00.002+08:00

what makes a person want to die?
what makes a person have the determination to end his life?
what makes a person lose their will to carry on living?
what makes a person hate the world so much that he wants to leave?

what really makes a person resort to suicide?

i am sure, eveybody faces their own sets of problems.
some can be solved, some cant.
so the reasons will differ for every person.
some people feel like just ending it off for that particular moment,
while for some people, its prolonged.

But.
the only thing that these people really yearn for,
is a friend that really cares for them, and be there for them forever,no matter what happens.

so, what makes a dying person want to carry on living?

very simple.
its because of the strong support they have behind them.
be it friends, or family.
be it anyone,

its just someone they feel worth living for,
its just someone who makes them feel that there is still hope in their life,
its just someone who makes them feel that they are not alone,
its just someone who makes them not want to die and to be with that someone,

its simply someone who really cares for them,
someone who relit their blown-out candle.

2009-04-10T00:23:00.004+08:00

had no time to blog these few wks. so i think i will blog whenever i have the time and i really have the urge to blog.

quite a number of things happen these few wks.
one of it is that C'girls got 4th in nationals. its a pity, everyone knows that. and you all most probably would have gotten third. but you all must relly understand yg's intention of doing so. cos everyone put in the effort.

i think my degree has gone higher cos i cant really see stuff properly without specs, and sometimes even with it on, its not really clear. doesnt really matter ard. if i really must wear specs, i would be happy to wear contacts instead.

mid-years coming in a few wks' time. hvent started studying. but gona start soon. mayb tmr. chem and physics first since there would be common tests next week. really hope to do well in mid-year. at least not as bad as CA1.

i am really changing, i realised. or should i say that i finally admitted the change. and i dont know if the change is good or bad.

P/S: mad and val, love you two!

How can i ever forget;
the moment i close my eyes,
i can see you smiling,
which makes me not want to open my eyes anymore,

2009-03-24T21:04:00.002+08:00

i totally flunked all my sciences. like all 50, 60 plus. DIE
haihz. when will all these really end man. i gg mad soon.

ytd went to girlf's hs. ate fried rice then was actually supposed to do hw. then dont know how and why end up singing with her bro and her. HAHA
then aft that went IMM Daiso to buy specs for her whole class, tgt with Zanye.
then aft that was busy taking out the lens of the specs. take out until hand damn pain lor. but felt A GREAT sense of achievement aft the lens came out!

C'girls win their first match 25-16, 25-13 against presb. yeah. 3 cheers for them!
hope they can zai jie zai li and go top4!

you zhong yong you,
jiao zuo fang shou,
dan, wo neng ma?

2009-03-21T20:28:00.002+08:00

woke up late today. so was late for trng as well. like for only abt 10 mins?
played captain's ball as warm up today. when it was supposedly basketball :(
but it was fun though. at least much better than runnin round and round the netball court.
then aft that mostly pei da with C'girls again.
it is still the same thing, but the way yg coaches just makes a diff. really. he is a realy fantastic coach :D so girls, treasure him k.
then aft that went to eat lunch at Dover with snow wife and ying ning. ate chicken wing rice again. its nice :D then saw wee ang and yg at coffee shop so ate tgt. talked until the say they need to go back to coach boys.
then continued eatin. jer still ordered chicken rie :O i bought like damn alot of fruits to eat. and drank alot also(fruit juice lah, u think what).
then my gan ma kindly fetched me and ying ning. then i went to ying ning's house. for a very simple reason. cos i cant hold it anymore. cant hold my bladder anymore. HAHAHAHAH.
then slached at her house until 5. saw ying min also. then steffi scratched my legs with her super sharp nails. pain leh. and the more i scream, the more it attacked me. sianz. then ate somemore. porridge + lucheon meat. wa i like how long nv eat lucheon meat ard lor. cos my mum say she cant get it in the supermarket, like real lor. i bet its just like qi jia then she dont want buy lor-.- then some stupid person banned it in sch. irritatin.
then forced ying ning to acc downstairs until i flagged a cab.
nt bad. the cab fare was only $10 bucks despite it was peak hour.
reached home around 5.30. then bathed, then slack until now.

i m so pleased that i m only left with 1 chinese compo and 2 compre :D
will do the rest on mon ba, cos mon no chinese :)

ok, its time to watch ai jiu zai yi qi. gona come back later!

2009-03-18T15:56:00.004+08:00

saw this on snow wife's blog and i was the first one she wants to do this quiz. yah. i also gt like nth to do(except hw that i dont even feel like touching, of course) so i decided to give my snow wife face lor.. haha.

1) Besides your lips, where is your favourite spot to get kissed?
forehead ba, dont know lah

2) How do you feel when you woke up this morning?
shoulder aching, abit emo and sad :(

3) Who was the last person you took photo with?
Myself. HAHAAHA

4) Would you considered to be spoiled?
N-O

5) Would you ever donate blood?
YES, IF ONLY it is painless or at least it helps me to lose weight :P

6) Do you have a good friend of the opposite sex?
Yess

7) Do you want someone dead?
not so serious lah..

8) What does your last text msg says?
wait. let me check.. oh, its "Ok then. Good nite,"

9) What are you thinking of right now?
How to not let it bother me so much,

10) Do you wish someone is with you right now?
yes

11) What time did you go to sleep last night?
early 11pm

12) Where did you bought the T-shirt you're wearing now?
its a OBS shirt that my watch designed, so i guess its from the watch?

13) Anybody in your mind right now?
Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

14) Who was the last person who texted you?
girlf

15) Tag 10 person to do this quiz:
1. Laopo
2. girlf
3. snow wife
4. ja
5. husband:)
6. joey
7. mad
8. val
9. abi-joy
10. YOU!

16) Who is number2 having a relationship with?
{girlf} me! hah. no lah..

17) Number3 is a female or male?
{snow wife} neither or either. haha. female lah,

18) If number7 and number10 get together, will it be a good thing?
{mad & YOU!} LOL! depends on who you are lor...

19) What is number1 studying about?
{Eunice} HAHAHA! obviously not studying...

20) Number4 is single?
{ja} dont know, but really hope he is..

21) Anything impressive number5 done for you?
{husband:) err yah. for making mano change my place..

22) If number3 and number6 get together, what do you think will happen?
{snow wife & joey} they dont even know each other..

23) Describe number9.
{abi-joy} funny, crazy nut cracker.

24) What will you do if number6 and number7 fight?
{mad & joey} they dont even know each other also... but joey cfm win de lah. haha. i support u captain!

25) Do you like number8?
{val} HAAHAAHA. what do u think?!

2009-03-18T13:25:00.003+08:00

just woke up despite sleeping at 11 ytd nite. yeah.
had vball camp the past few days. quite fun lah, tiring also. only had like 4 hrs of sleep. but didnt really like train much. bi jing ard upgrade to old girl ard ma. haha. mostly pei da with C'girls.

u are no longer who i know,
u are no longer there for me,
u are no longer the source of my happiness,
u are no longer the one i used to know,
u are no longer the same,
u are no longer withstanding the test of time,

which i really thought and strongly believed that you could,

2009-03-15T03:09:00.003+08:00

the reason that i m still awake now,
is that the moment i close my eyes,
i think of you,
your perfect image just appears right before my eyes,
i simply cant resist,
for its you, simply you,
just one glance is sufficient,
even if it spells impossible,

i just realise that this is my 100th post.
time really flies, it really does.
the worst part is, everything changes as it flies. nothing will remain the same anymore.

man man de,
zhen fen ai,
qiao qiao de zhu xia lai,
shen shen de,
zai xin li,
mai ren kan de chu lai,
an jing de,
dan que yi zhi du zai,

2009-03-14T23:20:00.002+08:00

just finished watch ai jiu zai yi qi.
didnt really feel like watchin the guess show anymore so decided to on my com and blog.
did service learning past few days at Bethany Nursing Home.
its really very meaningful, really. i somwehow wanted to stay there longer and just b there. theres just something that makes me to want to stay longer. just like the flag day today. i actually felt like stayin longer to collect more money for the community. i actually felt joy in doin so. its just so. so unexpected.
and it turns out to b a blessing in disguise.
have just been notified to go for vball camp on mon. i think i m stayin overnight ba. to acc my laopo and girlf. also to enjoy trng as an old girl. haha

i dont think i understand u anymore. or i dont even understood u in the first place. i dont even know what u are thinkin and feelin most if the time. i really want to know what i m to u. i really dont see the value of me to u. u make me feel so redundant sometimes. u make me feel as if i m just a tool. to make u happy when u r sad, to cheer u up whenever u feel down. its gettin tiring, pls dont make history repeat. i really cant take it anymore. not once more.

i think my feelings are reaffirmed today. thats its true. i m really fil with u. i began to care alot abt what u think abt me amd ur impression of me. i m really falling for it this time. u mean the world to me now, but how long shld i continue to keep u in the dark? i cant contain it anymore but i dont know how to reveal. mayb i will just worsen it. i rather it to b as simple, as innocent as now.

how long shld i wait?
how long shld i stop?
how long will i bil?
how long will it last?
how long will it go on?

from this moment,
its just you,
just you,
totally cant get you out of my mind,
not anymore,

2009-03-07T18:22:00.003+08:00

had trng from 9 to 12. girlf was so retarded to forget to bri her locker key and she had her shoes inside them-.- so she didnt come trng today. sianz.
trng was just merely pai da with C'girls. played basketballl most of the time though.
then aft tt ate lunch with laopo and old girls.
then went tgt with adeline and took scholarship aft that.
then went to play arcade with bro. spent abt 40 bucks. and we took cab home aft that. felt very rich! haha

until now then i understand, when i really hoped for it to end, and when it really ends, i really wanted it to start once again despite every reason to just leave and end everything.

dont push all the blame to me, hv u ever think that its partly ur fault. go think abt it, whatever u hv said, whatever u hv done. seriously. i think u would be even pissed off with urself. nobody wanted it this, and u had to make urself become the 'nobody'. i dont deny that it takes two hands to clap, but u hv to use much more strength to clap louder. i can ascertain you, it ends right here. yes, right here. no matter what u do or say. too late. its not gonna help.

i think i wont ever b contended again,

2009-03-06T21:28:00.003+08:00

lost to Ngee Ann 2-1. 7-25, 25-20, 21-25. but we had won actually. deep down our hearts. we know it. we ard played our best, really our best. cant help it if others dont even want to put in effort and u know who u are. its just our luck. if u dont treasure ur own chance then thats ur problem, but dont make the whole team to b responsible for it.
but for those of us who really ping and all, we had all enjoyed the last match of B'girls 09 rite. yeah
went to get my girlf's specs aft the match. and she nt very sure where the shop is so we took 198 2 times. haha. then went to eat at the hawker center. then go but PD waffles :D then take 185 to clem. talked alot to girlf on the bus. and it was great :D then departed unwilling at clem interc. haha. but stil msgin aft tt :)

went for trng today. its was so fun. yg allowed me to do finish my hw. so nice :D

AND I LOST MY BLOODY DUNG WALLET! like how many millions times. i really think zillions will b a better word lor-.-

DeWen treatin us KFC tmr. but dont think i will eatin cos i need go collect some scholarship. nvm. i shall take it as a chance for me to jian fei -,-

busy playing some bubble break game now, will blog agn :D

time,
will i understand,

2009-03-03T20:03:00.002+08:00

we are out of nats.
lost 2-1 to CCHY today. 25-16, 20-25, 15-25 i think.
we really could and should hv won 2-0.
i really didnt expect it to b over so soon. all the trngs we had gone for, all the hard work we hv put in, all the tears that we had shed, all seems to b worthless now. it feels like i hv just woken up from a dream, when i nv thought i was even sleeping in the first place.
forget it, its ard over anw. no use sayin all these.
lets just try and win NgeeAnn on thurs. or at least, lose beautifully. not for anything. but for our own pride, for yg, for dw, for the team, for the last match of B'girls 09.
i really. really dont know how to descibe how i m feeling right now.
i m just so confused,

suddenly felt that i hv lost something.
something that makes up a big part in me.
why do i feel this way?

2009-02-27T21:51:00.002+08:00

lost 2-0 to Jurong ytd. 25-21, 25-23.
didnt play well as i really just cant concentrate.

laopo and i created some special formula!
mashed potato with mamee! damn freakin nice :D
then went back to sch by bus which the sch provided.
then laopo went to shit in sch, so i went dover to buy somemore mamee to eat. but nv buy mashed potato :( cos i lazy :P
then took 173 with eleanor. then end up in West Mall play arcade! haha.
played cars, guns, basketball shootin and others.
it had definitely made me feel so much better :D thanks so much.

today went to sch, reached quite early.
ended sch earlier also.
haha, it was so funny to not know where ur class is and run round the whole sch!
went JP and ate Burger King with the coupons we got from someone outside West Mall ytd. the fries very nice :) shld b called fries king instead. cos the burger nt say very nice.
then went to "decorate a cake for my mum".
taught some KG person how to calculate the exchange of currency btw diff countries.
felt a great sense of achievement aft she finally got it :D
LAUGH REALLY HARD on the way home.
I REALLY LOVE MY GF SO MUCH :D SHE REALLY MAKES MY DAY :D

u cant force me to do things out of my own will, and i m very very sorry for that. i know nth i say will ever make a diff, but i just want to let u know, i really cant help it; right at the start, we ard dont know how long it will last, up to this state, all that i can say now is, i m really sorry, from the bottom of my heart. i m not worth ur time.

ALL WE NEED TO DO NOW,
IS TO BELIEVE,
BELIEVE THAT WE REALLY CAN,

2009-02-22T18:31:00.002+08:00

didnt post for such a long time. pratically had no time.
gt lotsa hw to do and there are still hw undone. and there are like millions of tests comng this wk. i think i m gona flunk all of them.
it seems like everybody is studyin like damn hard, but i m nt even the slightest motivated to even bri my textbook home.

had trng ytd. went tgt with laopo. we both had HL milk and curry pok for breakfast:D on the way to sch.
we were told tt we will b gvin yg a surprise birthday cake later and tt jp is buyin the cake somewhere in JE. so we celebrated yg's birthday in the ISH b4 our trng in the hall starts. he like super touched. nv see him smile so happily for a very long time ard.
had trng later. same usual thing. trained alot of formation though.
went to eat KFC with laopo aft tt. we then slept in KFC aft we had finish eatin.
laopo was like askin if we would get chased out. haha. obviously nt. cos we still had food on our table.
then went big bookshop to get friction pen refills.
And we did a VERY retarded thing.
we went to take our weight with the weightin machine just beside Macs. tt kind tt u insert 20 cent coin kind. haha. so many pp watching lor.
went home tgt aft tt.
ate my self-cooked MHK agn like last sat.
then msged like crazy wif laopo. like madness. askin each abt the lamest things on Earth.
watched the show on Channel U at 9.30. Ai jiu zha zai yi qi. quite nice to watch actually. so i m gona catch it every sat. aft tt watched the guess show until 1 plus then went to slp. i finally watched it without slpin this time. i had slept halfway during the show cos i was really too tired the past few wks.
so now i just finished helpin snow wife with her stupid compo which she is supposed to hand in in Jan. tsk tsk tsk.
haha. come to think of it. i once owe my teacher a piece of work which was like overdue for 3 months. haha. and didint even get scolded.

cant wait for this wk to pass. gt SO MANY tests. zzz.

our grping out ard. Jurong, Ngee Ann, CCHY.
seems to b tough, but if we go pass them means that it will b alot easier to b in Top 4 since we gt so tough opponents in first rounds.
forget finals and look to nats!
We CAN do it girls!

2009-02-17T22:03:00.002+08:00

lost Finals 2-1, 25-19, 14-25, 25-18. i think. nt very sure of the scores.
felt sad of course, who wont.
when debriefin, felt like crying but my eyes somehow remained dry. so i decided nt to cry and listen to wad dewen hv to say. everybody was either lookin down or lookin somewhere else, but just nt in dewen's direction.
he said tt we played well, like better than last time we played with them. i dont think we played as well as he said.
but i really think we shld win, seriously.
yeah. i know, its kinda useless sayin all this nw. nt kinda, is totally.

mayb its my fault,
but i cant betray my true self

2009-02-14T18:44:00.003+08:00

woke up at 6.15 today. thot i very early but was still to last to reach Clem interchange-.- mayb cos i went to shit at home.
shitted agn when i reach sch. suddenly stomach very pain lor. dont know why. mayb is cos of the dong fen tang i ate ytd at the FC in Tiong Plaza:0
fortunately, carina gt bri tissue paper:D went to the CCA block toilet but the girl toilet washin so went the guys one.
then waited for Mr Lum to come n open the ISH door.
was setting net halfway then heard somebody say jiao lian zao an, turned back n saw yg! which means he mayb trainin us later! yeah. then kena suan by him for losin the jersey just b4 the Cedar. doesnt matter ard cos we ard won them! whoo hoo~
then ran 5 rounds then diu qiu. then yg ask us to do backcourt spiking like throw the ball ur own fr backcourt then spike. quite fun though.
then.
dw came.
sianz.
then he took over for the rest of the trng. EXACTLY THE SAME AS YTD. also expected.
played much better today. but worsen my leg. swollen n pain nw. also sprained my hand when setting a spike from backcourt.
just when trng ended yg asked me eleanor if we want to play with Cgirls anot.
we obviously wanted so immediately wore our socks and shoes back. but then play only until like 3-12 then yg was like ok, thank you very much, tts all. sianz. wanted to play longer de lor.
then went to Dover to eat with eleanor, jp and yt. but yt didnt eat anything and left halfway so issit still counted. aiya. who cares anw-.-
ate chicken rice while the rest ate curry rice. but all of us ordered sugar cane drink fr the uncle dress like super formally lor. haha. i think he gg to some weddin dinner later or smething ba.
then laughed at eleanor for living in her own joke. HAHAHA
went home with jp aft tt. LAUGHED DAMN LOUD when she pronounced monk as literally "monk" where its supposed to b pronounced as "munk".
continued to laugh even louder when we were talkin abt armpit hair. like rebonding and extending it. HAHAHAHAHAHA
reached at like 2 plus. which was damn early.
bathed then redoed a little bit of A Maths which i had totally used the wrong formula. then went to cook mee huen kuei to eat since mum went for some computer lessons. did it on my own ok. and it tastes nt bad:) cos i cooked it:D haha. like eatin the fruit of my own labour mah. but my mum's odviously taste better lah.
then now i m in front my com:D haha.
dont know which group shld i go for SL. is either Bethany or Chiidren Society cos the others is like sucky. gona discuss later with mad.

finals on tues. really hope we can let history repeat and thrash them.
go B'girls!

shld i really believe,
or shld i even hv that thought,

2009-02-13T22:04:00.002+08:00

went for Cross Country today.
ran for both comptt and mass run. so retarded, i know-.-
went to Tiong Plaza for lunch aft tt. went FC to eat, where i treat someone $4 mee pok n nv even say thank you. haha. but i know she appreciates it its ok:)
then went for trng by takin straight bus to sch fr there by 33.
when we reach the ISH (Indoor Sports Hall) everyone was damn tired. but i felt like shitin but the toilet in ISH no toilet paper. so unwillingly went down to the CCA block toilet. then the toilet washin-.- diao lor. saw yt then went to the staircase toilet unwillinglyX99999999.
dw say he will b late ask us to warm up n set net first.
then played small court with a netball until he came. SO FUN LOR. LAUGHED LIKE A DUNG.
trained first ball, then formation all the way with JJ pp if i m not wrong.
played badly. dont know why i really go serve out ball smetimes. wth so retarded.

i m actually right aft all,
it ends right aft it starts,

2009-02-12T21:50:00.002+08:00

hi people!
so lets continue abt ytd...

realised tt i hv left my jersey in the bus JUST BEFORE THE MATCH WITH CEDAR AND WE ARE LATE. panicked until i almost cry. changed jersey for like 3 times lor. like halfway during the warm-up. so pp watchin must b thinkin tt i m mad. like go in n out for 3 times then each time the jersey number will change. so retarded.
lucky we won if nt i will cfm die.

today went to eat Sumo aft sch with eleanor n fel.
then went to some baking shop to buy baking stuff with eleanor.
LAUGH UNTIL I PENG!
but i m really lazy to explain the process now. mayb nxt time...

i gt my NRIC today! haha. felt like an adult! jkjk. of course not!
did smething with it once i gt it! (lets keep u in SUSPENSE!)
and u shld b SO honoured to know this suspense ok, ETGJ:P mayb u shld even buy 4D with it! haha.

finals with YuYing on Tues. and we hv 3 trngs b4 it. fri, sat and mon. hope we will really play better than on Wed and win then beautifully. South Zone Champions, here we come!

perfect-impossible, or
imperpect-possible?

2009-02-11T20:46:00.003+08:00

PERFECT ENDING!

WON CEDAR 2-0. 25-14, 25-21.
AND DONT NEED TO RUN TOTALLY ON CROSS COUNTRY!
YES! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

haha. it has been a long time since my face was so red and hot tt i can really feel it burning. omg. u'al better dont blurt it out to u-know-who. if not huh. actually i also wont do anything de. hahahahahahahaha.

really. finally. felt a great sense of belongin. thx for makin it realise it. although its quite late, but at least its nt too late.
and Eleanor Toh Gou Jun. lyls!

gtg now, blog more tmr!

but will it really last?

2009-02-10T22:13:00.002+08:00

missed the last trng b4 the semi-final match tmr against Cedar. SUCKS.
feel sort of contradicted. if we win tmr, we will b in the finals but will hv to run competitive on Cross Country. if we lose, we will just b playin against Queensway which we will probably get third and get to LEGALLY pon Cross Country.
but.
of course i want to win. and make history repeat like 2 yrs ago.
and find some retarded excuse to pon Cross Country. (hopefully)

i realised i really cant do without u'al. really.
i m seriously beginning to admit the facts tt i would nv thot i would in the past.

suddenly felt like bloggin so much. tts why i m still tryin to blog here even when i would get scolded like crazy. i wonder why. mayb u can call tt "blog swings". HALOLZ.

when will really happen if everything was to start afresh?
would i still choose this route?
would i still hold on to wad i m holdin on nw?
would i still regret in the end?
would i still b back to the square?
would i still b stuck?

would i really b happy?

2009-02-06T22:15:00.002+08:00

was hvin Eng class halfway then saw eleanor gesturing vigorously at me. so told Mano i gg toilet then went outside to hear wad she hv to say. she told me tt her sore eye very pain like almost cant open ard. so went to sign out.
which meean tt she wouldnt b comin to trng later. zzz.
supposed to hv trng today, but coach didnt come today. so had self trng. played basketball, volleyball. so fun. didnt like play basketball for almost 3 yrs ard lor. so gt to play it this time.
aft tt went to buy orea crush at Dover then went home with jp. rmb tt the MRT n the bus very crowded-.-

is this gd or bad?

2009-02-05T20:25:00.003+08:00

went Sakae Sushi with Jermaine, YingNing, YingMin any my bro today.
It was just so awesome. had nv enjoyed myself so much since a very long time ard.
didnt realised tt 1 plastics bag was nt enough to store all our rice. haha.
we keep like keep a watch out for staff passing by. so funny. laughed until like siao.
ordered a total of 60+ plates. cool leh... haha.
then jermaine like ordered too much then end up tryin to finish them all in the half an hour left. haha. then i went to shit. then went for second round. Yum Yum!
i think i ate like 10+ plates of salmon alone and also alot of other stuff. omg. come to think of it, its actually quite alot lor. haha.
i ate my bro's share of dessert:O haha. 2 strawberry smiles and 2 yam flavoured ice cream. he also bought me a SHE EZ-link sticker aft tt. aft i lost the last one he had bought for me. so nice of him:)
then went home with jermaine but parted with her at the MRT station. haha.
then rite aft i reach my hs busstop coach was ard there waitin for me:0
didnt expect him to b so early. handed me the coaching money n went home with all smiles :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

i think i m sort of quite happy this few days. i hope tt pp i love and those around me would also b happy. really. it really saddens me to see someone i love being sad and emo(elmo eithout "l". hahha). really. hope u will really cheer up and b happy:) no matter wad, rmb there i will always b there for u:)
treasure those around u, esp those whom u can feel really care for u. cos u might nt know when u wil b losing them. really. pp who really care, love, and treasure u dont come by easily. so cherish them.

reality,
here i come

2009-02-04T20:37:00.002+08:00

lost the match aginst YuYing. 25-13, 25-14. meaning tt we will play with Cedar for a place in the finals.
only hv ourselves to blame, did perform as well as we shld b.
somemore they like really improve quite alot.
went to eat some snacks at ShiLing. then bought Sweet Talk.
then accompained fel to buy some phone chain for her maid.

it has happened,
once agn,
and when can it ever stop?

2009-02-03T21:40:00.002+08:00

won the third match against GuangYang ytd. 25-4, 25-8.
YuYing match comin tmr. really hope we will win them.
went to eat LJS(agn) aft the match ytd at JP. the stupid cajun chicken meal cost me a gd $9.05 lor. wth. and the salt like dont need money like tt. so bloody salty.
the rest went home aft tt. only left me and eleanor. accompanied her to tanjong pagar for her singing lesson. then reached home at abt 8.
today was quite a boring day.
ran 3km for PE today. non-stop one ok. but we ran like bloody slow so wasnt very tiring.
went to see C'girls match against YuYing straight aft sch.
they won beautifully. esp the first set. 25-2, 25-8.
went to take cab back to sch with Mr Lum. was like flaggin taxis like madness. even went to the middle part of the road to flag. haha.
then went to eat at sumo with snow wife.
finally gt to eat the raw salmon teriyaki. found out tt snow wife also loves salmon alot. looks out our sakae trip on thurs will b Salmon Fun!

why has it been reduced to this state? dont ask me why. ask urself, wad hv u done. mayb u really and seriously think its nth n treat it like a simple joke. but the fact is. it really ISNT. its NOT even funny. stop thinkin tt its just so unsignificant. if it happens to u, i think it would b like 100 times worse so dont do stuff to others when u dont want it to happen to u. think.

it has proven me wrong,
once again,
nth is forever,
everything will change,
nth is definite.

2009-01-31T19:42:00.002+08:00

woke up at 6.30 today but wasnt late for the Clem meeting:D
as usual trained in the hall. training was sort of abit more fun than the usual dewen trng.
did the chiong over the net to take ball thing.
then later is one on one go under the net 2 sides to receive spiking thing.
then later is first ball.
then later is blocking n spiking.
then later is formation.
dewen gt so fed-up with us for nt opening our mouth tt he punished us. he ask us run 5 rounds and shout "let go" at the same time. initially is all of us run tgt. but then i think he nt satisfied with it so he ask us to go one by one.
then continue to train formation until abt 11 plus.
then went to indoor sports hall. thot tt we playin with C'girls de. then in the end we reached there yg ask us cool down. then we were like "huh".
then aft tt wh told us abt some updates on our matches.
then we went to play mini court ourselves.
went to lunch at dover aft tt.
then went popular to spend all my popular vouchers which all expire today.
just who i saw! (so sad its nt Bernard)
my favourite chinese pri sch teacher! chen lao shi.
she gt the model chinese teacher of Singapore u know. tts why i hate all the sec sch chinese cheena teachers. all of them seriously dont know to teach! mayb except for XuHui lah. all others cmi. like totally.
went home with jp aft tt. talked on the MRT as usual.

i really dont understand. why cant u just put in the slightest effort. its really unforgivable to see u wasting everyone's efforts when u dont even hv the slightest right to do so. i m nt blaming u here, but its really gettin fr bad to worse. i really dont know what u will stand to lose if u just try ur best. just think abt it, just ask urself, did u really gv in ur best? if ur ans is yes. then i really hv nth to say. if ur ans is no, u shld jolly well know wad u shld do.

its nt fading away,
instead, its getting stronger,
stronger by the day,

2009-01-30T22:07:00.002+08:00

today was quite a happy day.
except tt some S-T-U-P-I-D person didnt inform me tt trng was actually cancelled.
then i bri my shoebag all the way fr CCK for nth lor. wth.
i realised i really love HCL lessons alot. like its forever so interestin n i forever wont b able to fal asleep no mattre how slpy i m.
i m so happy tt i gt 2 A1s today. for all the Maths.
went to see C'div match aft sch.
they super pro can. thrash their opponents like siao. cos their senoirs also like tt meh. haha. omg. tt was so self praise. yah. anw. super proud of them:D
laughed like a dung at all those pp during the comptt. its just hilarious. HAHAHAH
aft tt was abt to go home then eleanor ask me talk on her phone. jermaine want talk to me. then at first cant really make out wad she is talkin. then later she sais smething like "eh, ur best frn here leh" then just ask me to go pizza hut meet her. lolz
then really saw laopo there. i was so surprised. :0
thought tt jer like only want me to go there n like treat her lor.
but spent $14 at pizza hut instead. wl. paid the balance lor. like agn.
then ying ning, jer and i went shoppin in JP. so fun lor. haha
they bought alot of stuff with their hongbao $$$.
ying ning damn funny can. go take her money like straight fr her hongbao lor. wth. then the cashier like look at her n laugh n she dont even know-.-
jer keep wantin to buy alot of things. haha. she originally wanted to buy a converse christmas shoe. then in the end her mum say must wait until like aft CNY then cant but. cos her mum say nt auspicious. like a lame leh. then jer was so irritated.
she went to buy a wallet and a phone hanger thingy. making her whole body BAW(black&white). so funny lor.
then ying nign like keep on like bumping into things and losin her balance. haha.
left them unwilling cos my mum wants me to b home. sianz.
then took 172 home. heng still gt 1 last on the super crowded bus for my tired legs to rest on:D
reached home abt 9. straight away kena naggin session lor. i only reached home like 20 mins aft normal nia. like seriously lor. come fetch me if u want lah. keep on sayin i go home so late. wtf. u go take the bus n the MRT lah. squeezy and crowded like hell. smetimes cant even squeez in lor. wl. think its so easy like tt. idiots.
anw. hvin trng tmr. super+duper+ultra lookin forward to it lor. somemore today's one cancelled. i m like cravin for it:D haha.
really hope we can really make the full use of the the trng tmr n get all our shou gan and morale back! n beat the sore losers! yeah. train hard, B'girls!
hvent posted for this long in such a long time ard.
suddenly gt so much things to say.
i also realised when i m really sad i dont post at all, or it will just b super short. and i post extremely long when i m sort of hsppy or i just hv alot of things to say. also when i hv the "shou gan" over the keyboard like nw. yah.
hope everything remain as it is nw. i dont want it to b ruined so fast.

why cant u just understand,

2009-01-28T20:10:00.004+08:00

today was quite a gd day actually. lesson werent tt boring.
except the fact tt there isnt any trng.

thx for stayin with me durin recess and share stuff with me. i dont think u will ever get to read this, but just want to tell u tt i really appreciate it alot. really alot. ur company, ur stupidity, ur retardedness, ur everything tt always nv fail to cheer me up. i love u!
haha. bet u will b so shocked if u see this! u will just b SO shocked(shld b surprised as its nt a bad thing aft all).

yah. went to eat at KFC n mos burger with Car today aft sch.
bought a cheeseburger(in order to redeem the free fries) and redeemed my free small fries fr my last visit on fri. the car say too ex so went KFC.
bought 1 pc chicken CHICKY meal. haha. nv buy chicky meal b4. wanted to upsize de but i know i cant. car say only small kids eat it so cant upsize. haha.
then the auntie say no more toy ard. -.-
them went WCP to buy some clean markers to add to my collection:D at popular.
hv to buy them fast cos the voucher tt mum has given me goin to expire on 31st this month. still gt like $50 hvent spend yet lor. so gona just buy anything tt i like:D
so i can sell them for some cashy cash. haha. kaichingg! (not copyin u lah, jermaine tan, just felt tt its so suitable to b used. hope u dont mind:D anw but i dont think u will even bother to care lor-.-)

life is really precious. thx for really lettin me get this very important point. thx for really comfortin me when i was at my weakest. thx for really gettin me on my feet and assure me. thx for really just bein there for me.

i totally cant wait for trng to come.
abt 2 wks nv train ard lor. feel so displaced without it.
also cant wait to hv fun at the swimming pool aft the comptt on mon.
really lookin 4ward to all of tt.

o yah! almost forgot abt it.
i saw _______ and some other girl at Clem Mrt platform when i was on the way home.
omg.
i was totally stunned. didnt know he was actually tt kind of guy.
so nw i sort of finally know why.
once agn, it has been proven tt appearances are really deceiving.
its nt only deceiving, its like the total opposite, wad u will nv ever think of.
or mayb things just change, too rapidly tt we can ever notice or take note of them.
or we just hv a very wrong first impression.
or we really nv knew the person at all.
so we shld really judge pp carefully,
if nt we will just b hurt eventually; it really hurts alot.
tts why so many couldnt take it and decide to end their precious life.
its really so sad to know tt pp actually feel so sad abt it to the extend of just givin up their life. hopefully all this will come to an end.

seems like my tagboard is abit dead the past few days. actually nt alot of pp know of this blog also. didnt really publicise it. haha.
so if u are passing by, feel free to make it alive. haha. at least it will gv me 1 more motivation to post. haha. no lah. i will still continue to blog de:D
cos it a very gd way to really lash out anything and fa xie for all i want.
yeah. BLOGGER WAN SUI!

when will i ever get to see u agn?
even if i really hv the chance,
will i hv the courage to really treasure it,
will i hv the courage to walk up to u,
or even to look at u in the eye?

u are just too perfect for me,

2009-01-27T14:03:00.002+08:00

hvent been bloggin for quite some time ard.
time is really passing very fast though. another CNY just ended.
didnt really go to alot of places to bai nian. only went to abt 3 places.
expectedly the "earnings" were very little. only around $200++.
my grandaunt gave me the chocolate cake tt she made as usual.
extremely D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S!
she is super nice lor.
she also super rich. stay in bungalow with all her sisters n her mum who died 2 or 3 yrs ago.
my mum says she has a master degree n tt she charges $200 per hour for tuition. is for like uni tt kind. its damn alot can.
if she is ard so rich, can u imagine how rich her students are?
absolutely madness.
i seriously wonder how pp can get so rich.
inheritance?

nxt match is on Mon against GuangYang. totally cant wait.
mayb swimming aft tt. the pool look so tempting lor.
wed will playin with YuYing. really hope we can win them.
must win. cos its a battle of pride and honour.

mood swings can really kill,

2009-01-23T17:55:00.002+08:00

shldnt even go sch today. so retarded.
i really want comptt n trng to resume faster.
at least it will really keep me occupied.
i really think i will die without it.
i m so afraid tt i ruin everything which i had worked so hard for.
but its really draining me out.
but i really cant bear to let it go.
but i really just cant let it go.
i really dont know wth is wrong with me.
i think i will b better off alone.

fang shou,
yin wei zhe yang,
ni cai zhen zheng yong you.

2009-01-22T20:22:00.003+08:00

felt so retarded. no one will do anything i did today lor.
really want to know wad i did in my past life to deserve this lor. chu qian you chu li.
stupid jermaine tan li chan. haha. anw. hope u are feelin better nw. aft u laughed at me so much in the 154 trip back and everything tt made u laugh-.-
the stupid ethnic celebration.
y cant let it just b a holiday and save us from all the troubles.
waste time, waste money, waste energy.
still say wad want save the Earth. pp pratice 3Rs u practice 3Ws. wth.

you bu chu hui yi
que xue bu hui fang shou
ze men zhou,

2009-01-21T21:27:00.003+08:00

won the second match against pierce. 25-6, 25-5.
didnt go the wrong place this time though.
the first set damn funny can. everyone diu 1 point. all cos of service. haha.
the bloody ball gt no air lor. so must hit the ball harder.
ate at KFC at JP.
fel's surprise bd party was a success! she didnt suspect it at all until it started. haha. had a great time!
esp in Toy r us. damn funny. play around with all sorts of toys. laugh until dl.
haha.
i think i m really turning into a loner.
feel so sick n tired of talkin to pp. dont know why. feel so empty.
i really dont know if i m really feeling happy or i m just tryin to force myself to live in self-denial.
it really sucks.
what would really happen if i dont _______ anymore?
or shld i even think of tt?

its really draggin on.
when will it ever stop,
will i even last till tt day?

2009-01-20T19:57:00.002+08:00

yeah! won our first zonals against PeiCai ytd. 25-5, 25-10.
went the wrong place n ended in some stupid industrial park. so went to flag cab to go to the correct place. were almost late. luckily the first match ard delayed. if nt we cfm late.
went to eat LJS at JP. aft extention its like HUGE. really big.

stayed back to take A Maths test which i had missed ytd. didnt go for E Maths remedial though.
went to JP agn.
P I E R C E!
didnt think tt i will actually renew my piercing record, which was abt 8 years back.
i think i m feelin better today cos 2 pp said tt i m shang liang!
haha. i know i m talkin rubbish.
also cos of PE also.
i really think tt i m really startin to like XuHui. good or bad? i think its gd lah. at least it gives me 1 more reason to do chinese hw.

i cant seem to get him out of my mind.
esp when i feel damn insecured.